Accomplishment

I've always been fairly self motivated. I procrastinated a lot as a kid, but have gotten much better in my old age. I no longer wait to write an entire research paper the day it is due. I guess time teaches you the value of pacing yourself.

Today marks one full month that I have been writing my word of the day project. I've only delivered a few duds along the way. Having a daily deadline has been difficult to fulfill to say the least.

The blogger tool lets me keep track of the number of visits to each entry. I started out with a bang with 72 visits on the first entry. Yesterday's received 3 visits so far. I guess if I were being paid by the number of visits, I'd soon be broke.    :)

Broke or not, I'm proud of the fact that I've been able to keep it up so diligently. I do appreciate your support, but it has been quite therapeutic for me to get my thoughts and feelings down in black and white. When I go back and read some of them, it has truly served as a journal of sorts. I can remember exactly what was going on that led me to chose each word.

I don't know if any of you are getting any benefit from my ramblings, but I know I am. Thank you for being interested in my project and reading long with me. Here's to another 334 days of 2013!

Abrupt

I have procrastinated today during the day and then the night was spent with basketball. We're having monsoon weather for some unknown reason and it delayed the games. There is just too much going on right now for me to really focus. I have three writing projects going (Cass' senior daily journal, Eleanor's Caringbridge site, and my daily word). I may have bitten off more than I can chew at the moment. I know things will calm down eventually, but please be patient with me.

The next three days could prove interesting as well. We're supposed to get freezing temperatures and snow. I'm supposed to work full days, but we'll see what Mother Nature has to say about that. One of these days I'll get to live in my own little cocoon and write the day away. I'm just not there yet.

So, short, sweet, abrupt....

Positivity

I tend to be a glass half full person most of the time. In some cases I fall victim to the Ellen Degeneres way of thinking which is if I expect the worst and something better happens, then I win. But for the most part, I look for the positive viewpoint.

When I was in massage school they taught us about positivity attracting positivity. One example they give us was this experiment this guy did with water crystals. He used the same source of water, put them in the same kind of containers, and froze them. But before he did, he spoke a word to the vial and labeled each with that word. Some words he used were love, happiness, and beautiful. Others were hate, anger, and ugly. He did hundreds of experiments with different word. And once the water froze he looked at the ice crystals under a microscope.

The positive words formed beautiful, complete crystals. The negative words were deformed and incomplete crystals. The point they were trying to make is that we are all made up of water. And if we speak negatively towards ourselves or have someone speaking badly to us, we take on that negativity. It was an important lesson for me.

There are times when I get down on myself or others. I'm as human as is the next person and fall prey to judging. But I do try to come to my senses eventually and realize that if I fill my heart with negativity there will be less room for positivity. I do my best to forgive, forget, and move on.

That doesn't mean I'm a doormat by any means. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I do my best to learn who the positive forces are in life and try to stay close to them. The others, I try to avoid as much as possible.

Teaching my girls this concept has been difficult. Being young and not having experienced the school of hard knock as many times, they are quick to trust. They try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to jade them with my fairly accurate "positivity radar". But it is hard to see them walk into a brick wall and not try to warn them. And even harder to not say afterward that you tried to tell them but they wouldn't listen.

As parents our job is to pick them up when they fall, brush off the dirt, and set them on their way again. But you do shake your head when they keep trying to walk through the same brick walls over and over. I have to keep reminding myself that I wasn't born with my radar. I developed it over time stubbing my own toes and scrapping my own knees. The school of hard knocks truly is the best educator.

So the next time you or someone you love stumbles, try to focus on the potential positivity it brings. Yes it might be a tragic event that you have to endure, but it will make you wiser and stronger the next go round. That is all we can ask of ourselves and of each other.

Friends

I have devoted my adult life to my family. I have not made a considerable amount of friends outside of them along the way. I've had friends associated with work, but for the most part haven't done much with them other than lunch, break room chats, or the occasional group dinner.

I can name about 10 people that have stuck with me through the years. We don't get to talk frequently, but social networks have reduced the miles considerably. I can't imagine how the generations before email, chat, and texting maintained contact. Sure there were hand written letters and the phone. But both were so inconvenient from a time and cost perspective.

In today's mobile world, people don't stay in one place for too long. It makes it difficult to form lasting relationships. I also think parents are so involved with their children's lives that they don't have any time for lives of their own. Sure we make small talk with the other parents sitting in the bleachers, but do we really know much outside of the fact that our children share the same sporting interests?!

Cassidi is all the time telling me that I have no life. That when she's gone I'm going to be very lonely. Unfortunately, I think she is correct. But that will just be in the beginning. I think I will be keeping the roads hot rekindling the fires of friendship left behind in my various moves. And there are more than a few people here where I currently live that I can get to know beyond the basketball court or my place of business.

I process best when I am one on one with someone. I'm not good at big parties unless I'm the one hosting them. If I'm at a party I usually sequester each person that I know for private discussions. I would make a lousy politician for more reason than one, but rubbing shoulders and networking for long periods of time makes me nauseous.

For me, the few friends I can count mean the world to me. While my small list might pale in comparison to some people's, I am oh so grateful for each and everyone. I consider them my family. Some are family by blood and some are family by choice. There is no greater gift than to be called family by someone that you know has no blood ties. That is when you know you have truly found a friend.

History

I have loved history for as long as I can remember. I was always enthralled with archeology and exploring how those before us lived. When I first went to college, I wanted to study archeology and write history books and encyclopedias.

My mom loved history, too. And I can't tell you how many times I found my dad reading an encyclopedia when I was growing up. I never could understand his interest, but now that I'm older, I totally get it. I can't watch tv without having a computer with the Internet close by. Me a google and Wikipedia are great friends!

Other favorites are The Discovery channel, the Biography channel, and National Geographic. So much information available so freely and easily. Many a time, I'm eagerly watching a story and Tony is snoring in the background (sort of like right now as we're watching a show on Columbus). He claims its the fire warming his feet, but I know better!

In raising the girls I've tried to share my love of history. We've gone to many museums and historical areas. I don't think they've caught the bug just yet. Hopefully one of these days.

One of the things I like in looking back is to see how much progress we have made. Some of the things seem like progress, and some things I wish we're still like they once were. And many times I wonder just what our forefathers would think of today's age if they could have somehow traveled forward in time. I'm sure I would think the same for the future that lays ahead.

I think my love of history is what makes me love to write. If I can document my story and the lives of those around me, there will be something to look back on. While I don't play a vital role in the grand scheme of things, my life will have meaning to those that follow in my family. Maybe my great, great, great granddaughter will read my ramblings and understand more about her own character. 

Tradition

I've just discovered the show Downton Abbey. It's richly steeped in English traditions. I've always loved watching English aristocracy pieces. I have no idea why of course, because I've always been one to buck the system. I think it's the beautiful clothes and lavish lifestyles. The huge houses and the lush furnishings are just unbelievable.

Growing up in an upper lower class family that progressed to a lower middle class family, I was always amazed by "things". I set my goals as a youngster to pursue a life different than what I grew up in. In America that is possible. Watching these shows always reminds me that wasn't the case in England at one time.

When I think of the word tradition I first think of stuffy. It puts me in mind of a strict code of living without variance. With my short attention span, I'd have suffocated in no time in a previous century.

But there are some aspects of tradition that are very appealing. I guess I think of it more in accordance with habits. Of course during the holidays we've established a set of habits we follow in my little family.

We go to the tree farm on Thanksgiving morning to get our Christmas tree. The girls put it up while I cook. It's just a routine we've gotten into and that we like. But with an approaching empty nest, who knows how long that will last.

At our house, traditions evolve quickly. We usually start small and then it grows. And once it gets too big or bulky, it must change. Goodness knows that scarcely qualifies as tradition when I break it down like that.

As I've aged, less is more. After chasing the carrots I dangled in front of myself, I realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I no longer have to have something because it's the thing to have. I no longer look at things as a measure of my success, but look more at the memories I've made as the true treasures of life.

And maybe that's what tradition is all about. Establishing routine around the events of our lives to create memories. Memories that happen year after year emblazing them on our hearts. 

Napping

Sleep is a wonderful thing. I come from a family of sleepers, and I've raised two more.  Both of my girls would sleep 12 hours straight as babies. I don't know what makes one person need more sleep than another, but I'd love to sleep 12 hours a day!!

Thanks to the snow and sleet, I got to have an at home day. Well, that is after I tried to go to work and decided it wasn't worth clients wrecking just to come get a massage. That's not really conducive to relaxation. So I took a late afternoon nap. It was heaven!

I'm not really good at sleeping for long periods of time. I sleep anywhere between 1 and 3 hours before waking up. It is usually vivid dreams that jolt me out of slumber. I can have upwards of 4 dreams a night. It's exhausting. So napping is a much better fit for me. If I could be up 3 hours and sleep for 2, I think I could really get some rest! If only life worked that way!

I don't get to nap much these days it seems. I always liked it when the girls were little and we'd take naps together. Everyone was much happier after a nap. Jen napped for years but Cass wasn't interested in any of that business after she was about 3. She was too busy for that.

I look forward to grand babies and naps. My mom was a big napper too. She loved when any of her grandchildren were there and it was nap time. She always said there is just something about watching a child sleep.

Winter time makes for the best naps. A roaring fire to warm your body from the core and a blankie on the couch generates yawns in no time. Today was no exception. I hope you're keeping warm out there in this cold winter. And getting to take a nap yourself!

Ditto

I can't hear or think of that word without thinking of the movie Ghost. It sort of annoyed me then and it's even more annoying tonight. I apologize for two nights in a row of my brain deadness. I just can't muster the creativity to write anything interesting. One of these days when I'm really ambitious, I'll write up a few extras for just these times. Unto then, good night!

Absence

Sorry guys. My energy level is waning tonight. I'm too tired to even think let alone pick a word and try to formulate any semblance of eloquence. Rest well, and I'll try to do the same. Maybe tomorrow I'll be full of vigor and blow your socks off!

Disappointment

It comes in all forms and in all relationships. If you're human, you can bet you'll disappoint at least one person in your life and that you'll be disappointed more than you'd ever like. It's a frustrating feeling to hav,e because it always involves someone you care about.

When someone does you wrong that you don't care about, it's not disappointment you feel, but anger. Disappointment is as unwelcomed for the giver as it is for the recipient. It means everyone in the situation is hurting.

It is exasperating when you have an expectation of someone and they don't live up to it for the lack of trying vs the lack of ability. And it's like a slap in the face when that person doesn't seem to care that they've let you down, or in turn themselves. It's as if the expectations that they have for themselves are obviously better and much more important than anything you could set for them.

Another source of frustration comes when you are really good to someone and treat them with respect only to have them turn their back on you. If you've wronged them in any way, I guess that's understandable. But when you ditch someone because you have a better offer elsewhere, I hope the karma you deserve finds you! Breaking friend code is high on the list of disappointment inducing behavior.

We all have expectations of others and of ourselves. As we go through life, we get numerous opportunities to learn appropriate and respectable behavior. We can't please everyone all the time, but you can't go wrong when you do the respectable thing. Sometimes we have to stumble and fall before we learn, which means we hurt others. Recognizing that and making amends shows our maturity. Continuing to do what suits you, shows conceit and self centeredness. 

We learn much of who we are at home from our parents. Society also dictates a lot of it. Some people don't have very good examples to follow in either of those as we've become a nation of "what's in it for me". And spmetimes we have great examples sround us and chose differently than waht weve been taught.

Basically, if we hold ourselves accountable to the same expectations that we have of others, all we can do is try and stay on track. But if you set boundaries for others that you don't feel apply to you, be prepared to endure the consequences of that mentality. What comes around, goes around. If you want great things, do great things. The rest takes care of itself.

Sisters

My oldest sister is just over 9 hears older than me. As a little girl, she was my idol. I always wanted to do things with her and be right beside her. She was a best friend, but due to the big age difference, she was also a second mother. She spoiled me, but also made me behave. That was a BIG job, let me tell you.

I'm the youngest of five children. As the baby, I got spoiled by everyone. My nickname was Brat, and I surely lived up to it. I'm glad Debbie loved me in spite of it all.

As I got older, I went through the usual self centered teen years and pulled away. She had started her family and that kept her busy. My family started soon after. We didn't have this handy dandy thing called the Internet or unlimited long distance. We saw each other at family holidays and spoke on the phone a couple of times a year. We managed to stay connected, however thin the apron strings.

And then my mom died. She is the one that called to tell me. As we sat on the phone dumbfounded, the silence was filled with the understanding that only exists between two sisters.  She the oldest, me the youngest, we are the bookends of our family. But together we make a complete set. We knew each others pain, knew there was nothing that could or needed to be said, and knew from that moment on, things would be different.

And they have been. We have "therapy sessions" at least once a month that can last upwards of four hours on the phone. When someone asks me what we talk about for that long, I always answer "Oh, you know - everything!" That sisterly/motherly relationship has taken on new meaning. For both of us. The age difference is still there, but seems far less important these days. Sometimes I need advice and sometimes I'm giving it. We fill that role of confidant for each other that no one else can. I'm so grateful for her in every way.

My girls have nearly the exact same age difference as we do, too. It's so neat to see how their relationship mirrors ours at times. I've raised them to love each other no matter what. I take a lot of solace in knowing they will have each other to lean on throughout their lives. No relationship really equals that of sisters. 

Technology

The Jetsons was one of my favorite cartoons when I was growing up. I remember watching it and thinking all the stuff was so cool and would be out of this world to actually exist. Of course I believed it was magic and that I'd never see any of it in real life. Other than the flying cars, I think the rest of it has been created and in many cases surpassed today.

Having a technology degree, I learned to not be afraid to try things when it comes to gadgets. This year I finally took the plunge and got an iPhone and iPad. But if it weren't for my teenager, I'd have no idea how to use them. Today's technology operates in a much more  intuitive fashion than the antiquated structure I learned. It amazes me what is available today.

I can remember being on a church youth group trip where this older guy told us cassettes were going to replace 8 track tapes. We scoffed a him and told him he was crazy. 8 tracks were the bomb because they replaced records. NOTHING was going to replace 8 tracks. Hmmh... It's a good thing I didn't place any wagers on that.

In the span of about 100 years, we have gone from the phonograph to Pandora. We have gone from computers the size of buildings to the size of a credit card. The last car I got I had to have a 45 minute training session just to know how to drive it off the lot. I just know one of these times when I press a button it's going to launch me into outer space!

Today I got the pleasure of working with Tony's Mom in trying to teach her how to use the Internet to read her Caring Bridge entries. She is classic old school when it comes to technology. She doesn't have a rotary phone at home anymore, and has finally figured out how to get the messages off her cordless answering machine. To say she is gun shy when it comes to gadgets would be an understatement.

Between Jennifer and I, I think we got her going. We wrote everything down so she can just follow a script. She has the "if I mess anything up, I just shut it down" procedure down pat! She'll soon be computing circles around us and will forget all about the reservations she started out with.

Technology can have the best of purposes, but it can also be severely abused. I've been a cyber stalker of Cassidi for the past few years to ward off any of those types of problems. I look forward to college next year so I can gain back all that time! I know she will appreciate the "privacy" even more. I've always thought it was quite funny when she thinks there is any possibility of privacy on the World Wide Web!

I can't even imagine what the future will hold for gadgetry. I'm sure my grandchildren will be teaching me a trick or two in a few years. It'll probably be to trade in my fancy pants car with all the buttons for my fancy pants space ship to join The Jetsons.

Humility

In thinking of the numerous things I've written about so far it occurred to me that some of it sounds a bit overbearing. Please, let me be the first to step up to the plate and say that I am not perfect. The things I feel so strongly about are things I sometimes stumble over myself doing at times. We are all human and make mistakes. But our true character is shown when we dust ourselves off and do our best not to repeat it.

Eating humble pie can be more than challenging at times. It's easy to get caught up in our own worlds and of those around us. Falling into the pit of arrogance and ego is easy, climbing out proves to be far more difficult.

But as with most everything, it's all in our mind - our perspective. If we can swallow our pride, admit our humanity, and do what it takes to right the ship, it gives us new purpose. Changing our perspective is the most powerful tool in our lives. But it takes an amazing amount of fortitude to control.

As I've experienced life, I can't say that humble pie has gotten any better tasting. But I can say that I've tried my best not to put myself in situations where I have to eat it. And when I do find it on my table, I grin and bear it knowing I'm the one that put it there.

Respect

In today's "all about me" society, this is a word I feel very few people fully understand the meaning of. People no longer seem to care about how or what they do to impact someone else. When I hear or think of this word, the first thing that comes to mind is how I can show it towards others. That is just how I was raised and how I've tried to raise my children. I've done my best to give it and not expect it in return. And I sure don't expect it as my God given right.

As the saying goes, it is earned not demanded. The ways I try to give respect are so engrained in me that breaking it down into actions is difficult. One of the most important to me is respecting our flag during a national anthem. It's one of my favorite parts of going to Cass' basketball games. Sometimes when they play with the boys, they wait until the start of the boys game to play it. I always feel like something is undone when they do it in that order. The same was true when Cass played JV ball.

When the anthem is playing, most everyone is respectful. If only we could all take a snapshot of our behavior during that timeframe and display it in all things we do, it would be a better world. No talking, hats off, stand at attention, hand over heart, singing the words in our head silently. Some of us have loved ones that have fought for our freedoms or maybe even lost their lives in doing so. I can think of no other situation that commands more attention than honoring our flag and anthem. I'm glad it is a tradition we still insist upon.

That's ceremonial respect. Almost forced upon us at a young age in schools. It does make me wonder what will happen to our society when those of us that remember reciting the pledge of allegiance to the flag in school are all gone. If I think respect is nearly non existent now, I can only imagine what I'll think then. I feel some of what I see in society today can be attributed to that already.

Every day actions are saying please, thank you, you're welcome. You know, manners. Or how about holding a door open for someone, making eye contact and smiling, saying a greeting of good morning or afternoon. Again, things I wasn't ever specifically taught by someone that I should do, but things I saw being done around me and mimicked. How will our children and grandchildren ever know about these customs of respect from the way we behave in today's world?

Other actions that are extremely important are being honest, being punctual, and honoring your commitments. And if some unfortunate circumstance occurs that you break any of those three, you truly apologize and accept responsibility and accountability for it. And the unfortunate circumstance wasn't some self serving deed that was more important than any of those three.

I continue to do the respectful things I've been taught because its the right thing to do. I don't do it because I'll get something in return. I don't do it because anyone expects me to. I do it because I was raised right and it was a social norm. I hope you will stop to think of the ways you are being respectful, and even disrespectful, and take notice. Make amends where necessary and see if you don't feel better for it.

Dad

Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad. Being a tomboy, I always wanted to be a boy growing up. I wanted to be just like my dad. Many of the things I learned from him stick with me today.

For my 15th birthday, he gave me a shot gun. He didn't do the normal kind of gift wrapping. I remember one Christmas he gave my mom a piece of jewelry and wrapped it in box after box with the last one being covered in tape and wouldn't let her use a knife or scissors. Always the comedian. Sometimes she didn't always appreciate his brand of humor.

My gun also had a unique wrapper. I didn't always make my bed before I went to school, much to mom's disliking. That day was no different. The entire day went by, and  I didn't have a gift from Dad. That wasn't out of the ordinary as he usually just let mom take care of that stuff. So I wasn't expecting anything.

That night when I got into bed, I felt something cold on my leg. Being petrified of snakes, I hopped out of that sucker at the speed of light. I let out a howl, but no one came running. So, I investigated and sure enough found my gun. I went and thanked him and ogled over my new toy. He and mom were laughing of course. It was a 20 gauge for our squirrel hunts. I still have that gun and notched 9 squirrels in my belt with it. I have a lot of great memories from our hunting excursions on the ridge.

Dad was always the prankster. I picked a lot of that up from him. He'd hide behind doors and scare us. Mom also had a fear of snakes and one time he put a fake rubber one under her pillow. She stood at the top of the steps and threw every pair of shoes in the house at his head when he stuck it around the corner. I can remember that like it was yesterday and that had to have been at least 40 years ago. My poor mom took the brunt of his jokes. Especially when I got a little older and braver. I'd try one of his jokes on her, but it never went over quite as well.

I attribute my hard work ethic to Dad, too. I can remember times where he'd work 36 hour shifts and come home exhausted. He never complained, but would head straight for bed. He worked diligently and rarely missed a day of work. He was a wonderful example to follow.

I think I also got my short attention span as far as careers go from him, too. He switched careers frequently and at one point had a managerial job with G.E. He travelled a lot with that job, and I would cry when he left AND when he got home. I'm still not sure where I got my crybaby gene though.

He had a couple of his own businesses along the way. One was a body shop. His work was impeccable, and he always kept things tidy.  Everything had its place and he knew if anyone had touched his tools. One time when I was very little he blew my dress up with the air hose. It was a game we played every time I visited.

When I got older, I'd go out and watch him work. Sometimes he'd tell me a wrench or screw driver he'd need, and I'd get it. If i brought the wrong one, he'd curse and send me back. I tried my best to learn the names of each. I'm still pretty handy at fixing things even today.  Lots of memories in that garage. I can still smell his shop if I think hard enough about it. 

Dad is also a very black and white type of person. While I try to see some shades of gray, my vision still tends to focus on black and white, too. Being a libra, I can see both sides of a coin. But because of his tutelage, I can quickly decipher which side I prefer and go with it.

Dad was always honest and straight forward in his business dealings. He was also very matter of fact. He didn't talk much (uh, I definitely am not like him in this regard as I got my mom's gift of gab) and liked to spend a lot of time alone thinking and working. Gosh knows I drove him crazy with all my questions and comments.

A daddy is always a little girl's hero, and my dad was no exception to that rule. I wanted to grow up and marry a man just like him. I think I came pretty doggone close with Tony. Today (actually yesterday since its after midnight) is his 73rd birthday. Happy birthday Dad. You set a high standard for me to live up to, and I try to follow your example every day. I love you!

Nothing

Tonight I'm taking my Mom's advice (and Thumper's). When you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Complacency

We all get caught up in the monotony of our day to day life, no matter what the age. We get to the point where we take what we have for granted. It's just another one of the many flaws of being human.

With this being Cass' senior year, I've tried and tried to impress upon her the need to enjoy every last second. It's so easy to get to the point of being sick of school work, teachers, fellow classmates, and sports. Sometimes when we know there is a definite end to one thing and the beginning of another, it's hard not to wish time away.

Some of us have had the scare of not having a tomorrow or have a loved one that has. It makes us stop in our tracks and appreciate the here and now. The hum drum life takes on new meaning and we can find joy in the little things again.

Blessings can be found in any situation. Some of them are more difficult to see than others. But many times it's all in your perspective. Don't allow yourself to become complacent and jaded by this thing we call life. It's all part of the journey.

Prayer

As a kid, I used to pray for the silliest things. They seemed so important at the time. Let me get an A on a test. Let that boy like me. Let me win that 400m race. Me, me, ME!!! I didn't get old back then, because I didn't realize I was a self centered kid.

But as I've aged, my prayers have changed tremendously. Some of it has to do with maturity, but a lot of it has to do with understanding that sometimes God's plan is better than anything we could have imagined. It takes a lot of strength to let go and let God. He's slowly convinced me that he has it all under control.

As I've gotten older, those around me have too. Or they haven't. Death is something I have had to learn to cope with. When I was younger, very few people died around me. Some families have a lot of loss. Fortunately mine did not. But that meant I lived in somewhat of a fairy tale world for a long time. It meant I had to learn to integrate death in my life as an adult.

I still haven't had a tremendous amount of death in my life considering. But the few that I have lost has been painful. The most painful of course was my Mom. When you lose a parent, you lose a definition of yourself. I am no longer a daughter to my mother. That is a powerful connection.

When she first died, I remember being so angry that we didn't see the warning signs of her sickness. I still wanted her with us. But then I stopped to realize that if she had lived and has some sort of disability from the heart attack, she would have been miserable. I had to remember to not be selfish.

I have to be grateful that God followed the natural order of things and took her first. I don't think she would have survived the loss of any of her children or grand children. It was a small price to pay to mourn her so she could avoid that kind of pain.

And that's the way my prayers go now. I try to take the ME out of it. I don't have prayers that direct a specific outcome. Again, HIS plan is better than mine, and I just have to open my heart to it.

I pray that HE will wrap his loving arms around those that are in need of him - the sick, the injured, those in need for whatever reason. I pray for those family, friends, and loved ones trying to support those in need. And finally I pray for those that have lost someone or something that has left them lonely and in pain. I end with a thank you for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me and my loved ones. A simple prayer, but effective nonetheless.

We are all born. We all die. None of us make it out alive. I have seen the power of prayer create miracles as it seems God's will is the same of those praying for a specific outcome. I have seen the opposite. Whatever your prayer tonight, know that there is a God listening and wrapping his living arms around you.

Rejuvenation

Being a day spa owner, massage therapist, and yoga instructor I am always encouraging people to relax. Many times I don't practice what I preach. I know the value of taking care of myself, but fall victim to the same overwhelming responsibilities as my clients. My biggest challenge is saying "no".

I've been a mother hen my entire life. I don't know what dictates that, but if I see someone in need, I'm going to help them. I know it stems from my mom. She was always involved with her church and doing for others. I can remember helping at the nursing home when I was 11 or 12. Helping others is something you learn at a young age. I've tried to teach this same thing to my girls.

In doing for others, I often run my own well dry. The analogy I use is that we are all buckets of water. We give that water out to others along the way. And when we run out, we are no good to others, let alone ourselves. So finding ways to replenish that water is critical.

I have to find a better way to rejuvenate. I gave up teaching yoga this year, and I really miss it. Giving massage is a joy, but it does its part in running my physical well dry. I do receive massage, but most of the time it is focused on repairing the physical damage I'm doing to my body vs replenishing my spirit.

Sleep is a great passion of mine. When I can, I sleep in. But restful sleep is elusive these days. I tell all my clients about meditation. It really is so restorative. I must get back into the habit of it.

As this next week starts, I hope each of you will find your own avenues of rejuvenation. It doesn't matter what tool(s) you use to get there, just as long as you take the time out to pursue them. Namaste

Deflation

It's amazing how the energy in a situation can go from 110 watts to zero in a split second. Today during the game, the score was tied. There were 8.1 seconds left. We're all thinking we're headed to overtime. But in the blink of an eye, their player pulled up to shoot a 3 pointer, and it was nothing but net. Over, done, a loss. The entire place went silent except for our opponent's cheering section. Disheartening doesn't even begin to describe our response.

That type of situation is minor considering some of the other events that go on in life. One of our players from last year's team got a call her dad was in a serious car accident last night. Tony's mom got word her cancer is back last week and is already in the hospital doing treatments. I can remember the night my sister called to tell me my mom was gone. A silly basketball game's outcome pales in comparison to those type of events. 

It is a reminder that everything in life is relative and that we should never take anything for granted. Nothing is too small for us to appreciate. And at the same time, we have to learn to not let the small stuff totally deflate us. Actually, the goal is to take it all in stride - big stuff, small stuff, whatever comes our way. The best thing to do is to turn it over to God and pray. 

Empty

It's been a long week. We've had 3 games already and another one to go tomorrow. I would have really liked it if they could have spread the joy of basketball over more weeks. But I'm trying to take in as much as possible and enjoy it all. The spinning clock dial is making me dizzy.

Try as I might to come up with a good word tonight, I just can't. My gas tank is fast approaching empty. I'm grateful today is Friday, and I don't have to work tomorrow. I work most Saturdays, so it is a rare treat.

Maybe some rest will restore my word quest. I've really been enjoying it and it has made me much more aware of my thoughts.  The writing is therapeutic and something I've wanted to do for a long time.  But now is a time for some much needed rest. 

Contentment

I have always been a person that is forever in search of. The "of what" is always changing. I've never been one to drink from the water fountain, but more from the fire hose. I don't know what creates that in a person. If I did, there are plenty of times I would have turned it off.

There are some people in the world that can be born in a place and stay there forever in perfect contentment. Their life follows a routine day in and day out with very little variance. And they are happy and fulfilled. I wish I could be more like them.

I have varying degrees of contentment in my life. But the longevity of that state is what elludes me the most. I like being busy, learning new things, and seeing different places. I like to break the mold to see what's inside even if it isn't broken. This makes for a very interesting life, but sometimes it doesn't go quite as planned.

The other drawback is that I can unintentionally offend people along the way. If it's their thing I'm breaking (aka questioning), they don't always appreciate that. I want to try something a different way just to see if it will work and maybe improve it some along the way. That doesn't sit well with some folks, I've found.

I view most everything in life as a puzzle. I try to determine what all the pieces are and start putting it together. I don't wait on someone to tell me to do it or to get approval to do it. I just do it. And it doesn't usually take me very long to do all my deductive reasoning and get going. That also gets on a few people's nerves.

So while contentment is something I hope to achieve for long periods of time one of these days, it's something I usually disrupt on a regular basis for others. If you've been one of those people, I'm sorry. I usually don't do it on purpose and even more importantly don't do it with malice.