Shoes

The old saying of "you need to travel a mile in someone else's shoes before you can fully understand their life" could not be more true than in the case of motherhood. That saying resonates more and more loudly the older I become as a mother. And as the number of years of my own mother's absence increases, I come to appreciate the many acts of motherly love she committed in her short 65 years with us.

Mothering is a constant act. It is not a coat you don in the winter and store for the summer. From the moment you find out you are pregnant until you earn your angel wings, you are a mother. Sleepless nights of caring for infants to shewing away the monsters in the closet to mending puppy love broken hearts to sleepless nights of worry as they get their drivers license to anxious jitters as they test their wings flying from the nest - these are the things that occupy a mother's heart.

My mother had five children. I only have two. When I think of all the love and effort I put into my two and compare it to what she had to endure, it staggers me. As a child that is the recipient of all of that love, we never stop to consider the feelings of the giver. We take it for granted and expect even more never contemplating the sacrifices made on our behalf.

To many, I am known as Jennifer or Cassidi's Mom. My existence as an individual fell by the wayside along the way. To some, that might be demeaning. But to a mother, it is a title held with great pride. There is no greater fan for her child than a mother. And my mother was no exception. She bragged on all of us until her friends were sick of hearing our names.

As my youngest is about to leave the nest, I'm reminded yet again of the inconsideration I showed my Mom. For one, my daughter is like me in every way possible. The things she says and does are the exact same things I did to my Mom. As I feel the sting of those words and actions, it makes me wish Mom was here so I could apologize.

The paths we travel in life have a way of coming full circle. The other saying of "you reap what you sow" rings loudly in my ears. I wish I had been more graceful in my youth. Not just so I could have a clear conscience, but more importantly, so my mother could have known all the work and love and sacrifices she made were truly appreciated.

I did get to say a few apologies along the way and she always shrugged them off. True to form, she told me the successes I had in life were all the appreciation she ever wanted or needed. Ever selfless to the very end.

So as I do my best to be Mom, I know she's with me every step of the way. She led me by example and it's her acts I try to recreate for my own daughters. At this point, that is the only way I know how to celebrate her life properly. She had many definitions of herself in life, but mother was the only one she truly embraced.

I am honored to be the daughter of Reba Ann Eagle Given. She was one of the best mothers I know. I hope she's enjoying her birthday in Heaven with all of the angels. And I hope she's proud of the way I'm trying to wear her shoes.