Reality

I have spent the week thus far avoiding reality. I've spent the last three years preparing for it. But it doesn't matter how much you prepare or deny the inevitable, reality happens.

I planned a last minute trip for Cassidi and I to go to San Francisco this last week she was home. I knew if I sat at home with her all week, I'd just cry. My plan worked amazingly well until the ride home today.

We stopped in at the spa on our drive in. It struck me that it would be her last time there for a while.  I got to thinking about all the time we spent there renovating it. She pretty much hates going to the spa because she always has to work. I actually treated her to a facial and a massage Friday before we left. Hopefully she'll have better memories of it now.

As soon as I started thinking about "lasts" it was over! The tears started flowing, and I couldn't stop them. Of course she busted me after a bit. Instead of empathy, she gives me laughter. It's going to be a long couple of days with my weepy self!

But I'll cry, sob, and have a runny nose. I'll probably go through a box of Kleenex or two. But I'll do the same thing I always do. I'll pick my pouty self off the floor and get back at it. That empty nest to-do list awaits me.

Reality isn't a bad thing. It's exactly what you make it. The reality is that the next two days will be wrought with emotion. Good stuff, sad stuff, anxious stuff, proud stuff, nervous stuff. They'll run the gamut. Memories and pictures are my best friends. I'm going to do my best to make this transition as best I can for both of us. Is not like she's falling off the face of the Earth or anything!!

I've cried so many tears for the various kids I know leaving. I have clients that have grown up before my eyes, Cass' friends that are like daughters, and now Cass. I'm so proud of all of them. I have very high expectations for each. I know they'll do me proud.

So, while I'm singing about a tear in my beer (or more appropriately for me - ice water with lemon), don't be sad for me. It's all part of life. I'm a big girl and will survive. I've never been afraid to cry and let my emotions out. Just pray that I don't wreck the car on the way home due to blurry, tear soaked eyes. I sure hope a police officer doesn't stop me, because he'll be sure to think my red eyes are alcohol induced. But if he does, surely a sob session on his shoulder will get me out of a ticket!!

Now let me go soak in my hot tub where no one will laugh at me for adding salt to the fresh water!