Integrity

There once was a time when two people struck a deal, a handshake was all it took to seal it. A person was good for their word and there was never any changing of minds or backing out. If you made a mistake, you were responsible for it. And most times if it was truly a lopsided situation, the other person was decent enough to let you out of it. Long gone are those days.

The same was true for your word. If you said you'd do something, you did it. Or if you said you wouldn't do something, you didn't. It didn't matter if you were dealing with your best friend or a perfect stranger. There was no consideration of what's best for me or what do I get out of the situation. You agreed to something and thus were accountable. Gone again are those days.

I'm a fairly black and white person. What you see is what you get. There is no guessing what I'm thinking or feeling.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve and make no bones about communicating them. I attempt to be diplomatic, but sometimes fail miserably.

I attempt to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do, not because I'm going to get something in return. I go into every relationship giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. I give them every opportunity to display their integrity. Many times I'm left disappointed. A few times, I'm pleasantly surprised. I wish the latter happened more often than not.

Accomplishment

I've always been fairly self motivated. I procrastinated a lot as a kid, but have gotten much better in my old age. I no longer wait to write an entire research paper the day it is due. I guess time teaches you the value of pacing yourself.

Today marks one full month that I have been writing my word of the day project. I've only delivered a few duds along the way. Having a daily deadline has been difficult to fulfill to say the least.

The blogger tool lets me keep track of the number of visits to each entry. I started out with a bang with 72 visits on the first entry. Yesterday's received 3 visits so far. I guess if I were being paid by the number of visits, I'd soon be broke.    :)

Broke or not, I'm proud of the fact that I've been able to keep it up so diligently. I do appreciate your support, but it has been quite therapeutic for me to get my thoughts and feelings down in black and white. When I go back and read some of them, it has truly served as a journal of sorts. I can remember exactly what was going on that led me to chose each word.

I don't know if any of you are getting any benefit from my ramblings, but I know I am. Thank you for being interested in my project and reading long with me. Here's to another 334 days of 2013!

Abrupt

I have procrastinated today during the day and then the night was spent with basketball. We're having monsoon weather for some unknown reason and it delayed the games. There is just too much going on right now for me to really focus. I have three writing projects going (Cass' senior daily journal, Eleanor's Caringbridge site, and my daily word). I may have bitten off more than I can chew at the moment. I know things will calm down eventually, but please be patient with me.

The next three days could prove interesting as well. We're supposed to get freezing temperatures and snow. I'm supposed to work full days, but we'll see what Mother Nature has to say about that. One of these days I'll get to live in my own little cocoon and write the day away. I'm just not there yet.

So, short, sweet, abrupt....

Positivity

I tend to be a glass half full person most of the time. In some cases I fall victim to the Ellen Degeneres way of thinking which is if I expect the worst and something better happens, then I win. But for the most part, I look for the positive viewpoint.

When I was in massage school they taught us about positivity attracting positivity. One example they give us was this experiment this guy did with water crystals. He used the same source of water, put them in the same kind of containers, and froze them. But before he did, he spoke a word to the vial and labeled each with that word. Some words he used were love, happiness, and beautiful. Others were hate, anger, and ugly. He did hundreds of experiments with different word. And once the water froze he looked at the ice crystals under a microscope.

The positive words formed beautiful, complete crystals. The negative words were deformed and incomplete crystals. The point they were trying to make is that we are all made up of water. And if we speak negatively towards ourselves or have someone speaking badly to us, we take on that negativity. It was an important lesson for me.

There are times when I get down on myself or others. I'm as human as is the next person and fall prey to judging. But I do try to come to my senses eventually and realize that if I fill my heart with negativity there will be less room for positivity. I do my best to forgive, forget, and move on.

That doesn't mean I'm a doormat by any means. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I do my best to learn who the positive forces are in life and try to stay close to them. The others, I try to avoid as much as possible.

Teaching my girls this concept has been difficult. Being young and not having experienced the school of hard knock as many times, they are quick to trust. They try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to jade them with my fairly accurate "positivity radar". But it is hard to see them walk into a brick wall and not try to warn them. And even harder to not say afterward that you tried to tell them but they wouldn't listen.

As parents our job is to pick them up when they fall, brush off the dirt, and set them on their way again. But you do shake your head when they keep trying to walk through the same brick walls over and over. I have to keep reminding myself that I wasn't born with my radar. I developed it over time stubbing my own toes and scrapping my own knees. The school of hard knocks truly is the best educator.

So the next time you or someone you love stumbles, try to focus on the potential positivity it brings. Yes it might be a tragic event that you have to endure, but it will make you wiser and stronger the next go round. That is all we can ask of ourselves and of each other.

Friends

I have devoted my adult life to my family. I have not made a considerable amount of friends outside of them along the way. I've had friends associated with work, but for the most part haven't done much with them other than lunch, break room chats, or the occasional group dinner.

I can name about 10 people that have stuck with me through the years. We don't get to talk frequently, but social networks have reduced the miles considerably. I can't imagine how the generations before email, chat, and texting maintained contact. Sure there were hand written letters and the phone. But both were so inconvenient from a time and cost perspective.

In today's mobile world, people don't stay in one place for too long. It makes it difficult to form lasting relationships. I also think parents are so involved with their children's lives that they don't have any time for lives of their own. Sure we make small talk with the other parents sitting in the bleachers, but do we really know much outside of the fact that our children share the same sporting interests?!

Cassidi is all the time telling me that I have no life. That when she's gone I'm going to be very lonely. Unfortunately, I think she is correct. But that will just be in the beginning. I think I will be keeping the roads hot rekindling the fires of friendship left behind in my various moves. And there are more than a few people here where I currently live that I can get to know beyond the basketball court or my place of business.

I process best when I am one on one with someone. I'm not good at big parties unless I'm the one hosting them. If I'm at a party I usually sequester each person that I know for private discussions. I would make a lousy politician for more reason than one, but rubbing shoulders and networking for long periods of time makes me nauseous.

For me, the few friends I can count mean the world to me. While my small list might pale in comparison to some people's, I am oh so grateful for each and everyone. I consider them my family. Some are family by blood and some are family by choice. There is no greater gift than to be called family by someone that you know has no blood ties. That is when you know you have truly found a friend.

History

I have loved history for as long as I can remember. I was always enthralled with archeology and exploring how those before us lived. When I first went to college, I wanted to study archeology and write history books and encyclopedias.

My mom loved history, too. And I can't tell you how many times I found my dad reading an encyclopedia when I was growing up. I never could understand his interest, but now that I'm older, I totally get it. I can't watch tv without having a computer with the Internet close by. Me a google and Wikipedia are great friends!

Other favorites are The Discovery channel, the Biography channel, and National Geographic. So much information available so freely and easily. Many a time, I'm eagerly watching a story and Tony is snoring in the background (sort of like right now as we're watching a show on Columbus). He claims its the fire warming his feet, but I know better!

In raising the girls I've tried to share my love of history. We've gone to many museums and historical areas. I don't think they've caught the bug just yet. Hopefully one of these days.

One of the things I like in looking back is to see how much progress we have made. Some of the things seem like progress, and some things I wish we're still like they once were. And many times I wonder just what our forefathers would think of today's age if they could have somehow traveled forward in time. I'm sure I would think the same for the future that lays ahead.

I think my love of history is what makes me love to write. If I can document my story and the lives of those around me, there will be something to look back on. While I don't play a vital role in the grand scheme of things, my life will have meaning to those that follow in my family. Maybe my great, great, great granddaughter will read my ramblings and understand more about her own character. 

Tradition

I've just discovered the show Downton Abbey. It's richly steeped in English traditions. I've always loved watching English aristocracy pieces. I have no idea why of course, because I've always been one to buck the system. I think it's the beautiful clothes and lavish lifestyles. The huge houses and the lush furnishings are just unbelievable.

Growing up in an upper lower class family that progressed to a lower middle class family, I was always amazed by "things". I set my goals as a youngster to pursue a life different than what I grew up in. In America that is possible. Watching these shows always reminds me that wasn't the case in England at one time.

When I think of the word tradition I first think of stuffy. It puts me in mind of a strict code of living without variance. With my short attention span, I'd have suffocated in no time in a previous century.

But there are some aspects of tradition that are very appealing. I guess I think of it more in accordance with habits. Of course during the holidays we've established a set of habits we follow in my little family.

We go to the tree farm on Thanksgiving morning to get our Christmas tree. The girls put it up while I cook. It's just a routine we've gotten into and that we like. But with an approaching empty nest, who knows how long that will last.

At our house, traditions evolve quickly. We usually start small and then it grows. And once it gets too big or bulky, it must change. Goodness knows that scarcely qualifies as tradition when I break it down like that.

As I've aged, less is more. After chasing the carrots I dangled in front of myself, I realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I no longer have to have something because it's the thing to have. I no longer look at things as a measure of my success, but look more at the memories I've made as the true treasures of life.

And maybe that's what tradition is all about. Establishing routine around the events of our lives to create memories. Memories that happen year after year emblazing them on our hearts.