Belief

As a child growing up, I was raised in the southern baptist religion. It was a lot of fire and brimstone with strict rules. When I was small, I was taught to believe in God and Jesus and the bible. But as I aged, I started asking some questions that you're just not supposed to in that faith. I can still remember my mom cringing when I said it just wasn't possible that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego didn't burn when they were thrown in the fiery pit.

I've always been pretty logically minded and see most things in black and white hues. If 1 + 1 doesn't equal 2 every time, I have to know why. Why is one of my favorite words. Gosh knows I drove my mom crazy asking it over and over about EVERYTHING!

The older I get the more I realize that most things are gray in the world and for various reasons. God has continued to test me over time to "let go and let God". I like to be in control, to dictate the pace, to set the standard. I make plans and He laughs, as the saying goes. I'm slowly catching on, even as hard headed as I am.

In raising my girls, I've tried to teach them this fine art. But for the most part, the best educator is the school of hard knocks. A lesson is best learned by making mistakes. That way you work pretty dang hard to not suffer the consequences more than once.

One of the hardest lessons to teach is to have self belief. To have that means you have to have confidence. Most young girls don't have much of that unfortunately. I know I was about 30ish before I really solidified mine. You live and you learn. But once that switch flips, it's like a light bulb turning on. And it is definitely a switch, because it can turn off just as quickly as it does on at any given moment.

That's where belief comes in. Tony always tells me "it's all in your head" whenever I face a challenge. I'm slowly learning he's right. If I approach a situation with a positive frame of mind, I'm far more likely to succeed than if I fill my head with negative thoughts and words. If I believe I'm going to accomplish it, success is mine for the taking. And if I don't always succeed, at least I attempted it in positivity versus negativity.

I've had a lot of pep talks with my girls over the years, and I'm sure we'll continue to have them for many more to come. Cassidi never fails to roll her eyes at me when I quote my favorite saying "positivity attracts positivity". I'm a firm believer in this and do my best to live it every day. I fall off the wagon occasionally, but that little voice in my head starts chattering away. I'm glad I have her even though she can be REALLY annoying at times. There are even times when I roll my own eyes at her!

Home

As a kid we moved a lot. Sometimes it was just across town, but most of the time it was to an entirely different state. I learned quickly that home has nothing to do with the physical location of a house, but much more to do with the feelings in your heart.

Tonight I returned to my high school alma mater. The drive there always floods me with memories as I pass places I used to frequent. Even though I was only in Tazewell for two years in high school, it created a lot of lasting impressions. But then again, it could be I was older and can actually remember them.

Since my mom died, my dad has moved from the house that I knew the longest as home. When I dream of being home as a kid, that's the house I'm always in. I miss getting to visit it during the holidays. But like I said, I visit it frequently in my dreams.

I recently realized that the girls remember our house in Charlotte in that same way. Cass often says how she dreams of that house and misses it. She doesn't like the cabin because her room doesn't have a door. The things that seem important to kids always amazes me.

Jennifer doesn't really consider the cabin home. We used to come up just for the holidays. So when she comes in, she thinks it's time for Thanksgiving or Christmas. We've lived here full time now for 6 and a half years, so she's started to warm up to it a bit more.

Establishing a home can be one of the most difficult tasks a person can face. Starting in a new place requires you to incorporate your past with your future. It means you have to understand what makes you who you are. We are always wanting others to know and understand us, but the majority of the time we don't fully know ourselves. The best transitions come once we realize home is truly where the heart is.

Perseverance

It's easy to get behind the eight ball in any given situation. At times, it seems like the universe has it out for you. Finding the strength to keep treading water when the storm is pounding you with wave after wave, can prove to be more than overwhelming. But a persons true character is never spoken more loudly than when they succeed despite the odds being stacked against them.

I've seen numerous examples of this in my life. Some have been my own personal experience, while others have been those around me. It's always interesting to see what each persons definition of rock bottom is. Because it seems once they hit it, they come out of the corner swinging.

There have been a few unfortunate times when the individual doesn't bounce back. It always makes me stop to wonder if I could have helped in any way. Could I have given them a word or two of encouragement? Could I have intervened and made a difference? I always feel a sense of responsibility just by knowing them and their struggles, even if I am not an active part of their life.

My mom had to be my biggest cheerleader ever. That's just what mom's do. She taught me to always encourage my girls even when I know they don't want it. Just like my mom, I'm guilty of over doing it at times. But then again, aren't we all a little biased when it comes to our kids? If you're being a good parent, the answer should be a resounding yes in my opinion.

We all need a cheerleader, someone in our corner. Someone that will see us at our worst and still believe we are capable of better. Someone that won't let us self destruct in the face of adversity. If you're someone that needs encouragement, seek out your cheerleader and rebuild your confidence. And if you're in a good place mentally, be the cheerleader that someone needs. That's the way the world is supposed to work.

Motivation

Some are self motivated, some take prodding. Some have stick to it-ness, some not so much. It's hard to know why one person has the ability to start something and finish it, and another struggles. There are so many variables, it's impossible to decipher.

Personally, I'm motivated by the competitiveness of a situation. It may be because I'm the youngest of five or that my closest sibling in age is a brother 4 years older than me, and I was determined to keep up with him. Or it might be that my dad always pitted me against  a classmate or someone on the opposite team in sports. But I always  see the challenges waved in front of me like a red cape. I charge every time.

Some of my bull headed ness has been passed on to my girls. But I don't think they are as self motivated as they could be. But then again, it's all relative. I don't think todays generation has much motivation at all. Unfortunately in the quest to provide our children more than we had, we have over done it.

I often equate the situation to feeding wild animals. If you feed them, they forget how to hunt for themselves. If we constantly provide for others, they never learn how to on their own. And what will happen when those who provide are gone?  It's something our country as a whole obviously is struggling to answer econimically.

But I'm getting sidetracked yet again. Motivation, that's the word at hand. I've found that if you're trying to get a thing accomplished, it's best to break it down into its lowest common denominator. What do I want to do, why do I want to do it, and what is going to happen if I don't get it accomplished? In most cases the answer to those questions is all the motivation you need. 

Cancer

Yet another word that only conjures negative and sad thoughts. Today it kept showing up everywhere I turned. It knows no boundaries of age, sex, race, income bracket, or any other category you can think of. It strikes silently, and when discovered, changes the entire world of those in its wake.


I've lost close friends, family, and clients to this monster. It is a ruthless opponent and most fail in their battle to conquer it. And if they do survive, they're just as likely to contract yet another form, only to have to take up the battle again.

When someone receives a cancer diagnosis, the first thought is usually death. We've made a lot of advancements with numerous types of cancer, and that prognosis has changed considerably. They can rest assured they are going to go through Hell and back in fighting it, but they are given pretty good odds of survival. However, there are other forms that the outlook is bleak at best.

The emotional toll a diagnosis takes is immeasurable. It's not just for the person with the cancer, but includes all of their loved ones, too. They all know that the choices in dealing with it are labeled bad and worse. To see your loved one in pain both physically and emotionally is just gut wrenching.

Today in mulling over the word, I tried to think of one positive thing about cancer. The only thing I could come up with is that it does make us stop in our tracks and live in the moment. When you are forced to contemplate your own death, it seems you're given supernatural powers to see what's important and what isn't.

All the things that previously seemed to be roadblocks in front of you crumble. Old grudges in need of resolution come to the forefront of your mind and must be addressed. Balance of the heart must be achieved even if balance of the body is evasive.

For all of you out their impacted by this terrible disease, through your own personal journey or through a loved ones, I send you my love and prayers. I pray for the disease to subside, the treatments to be tolerable, your heart to find peace, your mind to integrate and cope with your options, and most of all for you to feel the outpouring of love from those around you. It's easy to feel alone in your fight, but there are prayer warriors abound lifting you up in healing. Do NOT give up hope. NEVER underestimate the power of prayer!

Family

Families come in all shapes and sizes these days. Some work really well together and some are as dysfunctional as they come. Some look like they would be dysfunctional from the outside, but the inner workings prove otherwise. Traditionally, we think of a family as a mom and dad with a son and daughter, a house with a picket fence, two cars, a dog, and a cat. In today’s age, nothing could be further from the truth.


A lot of people get really bent out of shape about what makes up a family today. Relationships know no boundaries for the most part. Interracial, homosexual, inter-faith, inter-country, single parents are just a few. When I see a cute baby or toddler with someone now, I’m hesitant to inquire too much. I have little to no prejudice, but I don’t want to bring attention to the family in case others around us might be. And sometimes I have to admit, I am a little shocked by what I see.

When we lived in Charlotte, we saw a much broader span of variety in just about everything. Living in a rural town in Virginia, the span is pretty daggone narrow. We’ve lived here for 6 and a half years now. Not seeing the variety that I once did has left me a bit jaded. I dislike that aspect of our move to a small town.

Relationships are such a difficult thing to begin with that I can only imagine the challenges a family that doesn’t fit the traditional mold faces. It can’t be a lot of fun at times. But when they survive and prosper, it gives me hope in the human race. I do a little happy dance inside when I see them “making it” in this world.

But when I think of family, I don’t think about what it looks like on the outside. My first thought is of the connections between its members. In my own small little family, I’ve tried to weave a thread of unbreakable fiber. I’m constantly stressing to my girls that they are all they have when Tony and I are gone. So far, they have listened. It does my heart so much good to see the bond they share.

It’s a lot like my oldest sister and my relationship. She and I have the exact same age difference that Jennifer and Cassidi do. We have 3 siblings in between, but the mother/sister thing is ever present. I never have to guess if Debbie will have my back. I KNOW she does, even if I’m being a spoiled rotten brat! For one, she knows she helped make me that way. But that unbreakable fiber is woven between us, too. I love knowing that my daughters will share the bond my sister and I do for their entire life. It gives me confidence knowing they’ll be ok when I’m gone.

All I can hope is that I’ve raised them in a loving way, and they’ll take that with them in their own journey of family. Who knows what non-traditional form their families will take. I could care less. I just want it to be a family that respects all its members and love becomes their unbreakable fiber, too.

Memories

I have memories that date back to being about 3 or 4 years old. Sometimes I don’t know if they are truly my memories or stories my family have told me so many times that I feel like I remember them. Nonetheless, I’ve always cherished memories and the stories told to pass them down.

Today would have been my high school best friend’s 44th birthday. Kelly Combs Necessary was quite a character. I wrote a tribute to her in a previous blog (Goodbye is the hardest thing to say, and harder yet to feel) back in February 2010 after we lost her. We created a lot of good memories back in the day! I miss her and often wonder what adventures she’d be getting into if she were still with us.

Another way I capture memories is with a camera. To try and enjoy Cassidi’s senior year to the fullest, I started a daily journal for her. I take her picture each day before school and then write a little blurb about what went on for the day. In 10 years she’s going to look back on it and love having those memories captured forever!

Memories are an amazing thing. The can be triggered by the simplest of things. Sometimes I can smell something and it takes me back to a specific moment in time as if I were right there. Or I can hear a song and be 16 again. It’s wonderful how it works!

Another interesting thing about memories is that we each have our own perception of them. Two people can have an interaction and walk away with two totally different memories. So much of our mind is controlled by our emotions and the circumstances we are in at that time of our life.
Cassidi just asked me last night why I ask so many questions. I think that’s the answer. I try to understand what’s going through people’s heads to know how it’s going to affect their memories of events, especially Cassidi! I know she wishes I’d just go away and leave her alone. But when I really want her to remember something, I dig and dig hoping it will help settle the thought for the long term.

I’m finding that the older I get, the worse my memory is becoming. I really wish some brainiac would invent the notepad feature that I have on my iPad to reside in my head. That way, when I think of something, it’s written down. And then when I need to remember, I just have to click on the note. How cool would that be?! And I have an even better feature I’d like to request. When I think of something that needs to be done, I can just think about doing it, and voila, it’s done! Now that would REALLY rock!

But back to the point - memories. Whether they are your own or someone else’s, they are cherished experiences of your life that no one can ever take away. They live in your heart and soul and are readily available. They are how we keep our loved ones close to us even when they are no longer with us physically. I hope you’ll go out and make a wonderful memory today that you will carry in your heart for years to come.