Yet another word that only conjures negative and sad thoughts. Today it kept showing up everywhere I turned. It knows no boundaries of age, sex, race, income bracket, or any other category you can think of. It strikes silently, and when discovered, changes the entire world of those in its wake.
I've lost close friends, family, and clients to this monster. It is a ruthless opponent and most fail in their battle to conquer it. And if they do survive, they're just as likely to contract yet another form, only to have to take up the battle again.
When someone receives a cancer diagnosis, the first thought is usually death. We've made a lot of advancements with numerous types of cancer, and that prognosis has changed considerably. They can rest assured they are going to go through Hell and back in fighting it, but they are given pretty good odds of survival. However, there are other forms that the outlook is bleak at best.
The emotional toll a diagnosis takes is immeasurable. It's not just for the person with the cancer, but includes all of their loved ones, too. They all know that the choices in dealing with it are labeled bad and worse. To see your loved one in pain both physically and emotionally is just gut wrenching.
Today in mulling over the word, I tried to think of one positive thing about cancer. The only thing I could come up with is that it does make us stop in our tracks and live in the moment. When you are forced to contemplate your own death, it seems you're given supernatural powers to see what's important and what isn't.
All the things that previously seemed to be roadblocks in front of you crumble. Old grudges in need of resolution come to the forefront of your mind and must be addressed. Balance of the heart must be achieved even if balance of the body is evasive.
For all of you out their impacted by this terrible disease, through your own personal journey or through a loved ones, I send you my love and prayers. I pray for the disease to subside, the treatments to be tolerable, your heart to find peace, your mind to integrate and cope with your options, and most of all for you to feel the outpouring of love from those around you. It's easy to feel alone in your fight, but there are prayer warriors abound lifting you up in healing. Do NOT give up hope. NEVER underestimate the power of prayer!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Family
Families come in all shapes and sizes these days. Some work really well together and some are as dysfunctional as they come. Some look like they would be dysfunctional from the outside, but the inner workings prove otherwise. Traditionally, we think of a family as a mom and dad with a son and daughter, a house with a picket fence, two cars, a dog, and a cat. In today’s age, nothing could be further from the truth.
A lot of people get really bent out of shape about what makes up a family today. Relationships know no boundaries for the most part. Interracial, homosexual, inter-faith, inter-country, single parents are just a few. When I see a cute baby or toddler with someone now, I’m hesitant to inquire too much. I have little to no prejudice, but I don’t want to bring attention to the family in case others around us might be. And sometimes I have to admit, I am a little shocked by what I see.
When we lived in Charlotte, we saw a much broader span of variety in just about everything. Living in a rural town in Virginia, the span is pretty daggone narrow. We’ve lived here for 6 and a half years now. Not seeing the variety that I once did has left me a bit jaded. I dislike that aspect of our move to a small town.
Relationships are such a difficult thing to begin with that I can only imagine the challenges a family that doesn’t fit the traditional mold faces. It can’t be a lot of fun at times. But when they survive and prosper, it gives me hope in the human race. I do a little happy dance inside when I see them “making it” in this world.
But when I think of family, I don’t think about what it looks like on the outside. My first thought is of the connections between its members. In my own small little family, I’ve tried to weave a thread of unbreakable fiber. I’m constantly stressing to my girls that they are all they have when Tony and I are gone. So far, they have listened. It does my heart so much good to see the bond they share.
It’s a lot like my oldest sister and my relationship. She and I have the exact same age difference that Jennifer and Cassidi do. We have 3 siblings in between, but the mother/sister thing is ever present. I never have to guess if Debbie will have my back. I KNOW she does, even if I’m being a spoiled rotten brat! For one, she knows she helped make me that way. But that unbreakable fiber is woven between us, too. I love knowing that my daughters will share the bond my sister and I do for their entire life. It gives me confidence knowing they’ll be ok when I’m gone.
All I can hope is that I’ve raised them in a loving way, and they’ll take that with them in their own journey of family. Who knows what non-traditional form their families will take. I could care less. I just want it to be a family that respects all its members and love becomes their unbreakable fiber, too.
A lot of people get really bent out of shape about what makes up a family today. Relationships know no boundaries for the most part. Interracial, homosexual, inter-faith, inter-country, single parents are just a few. When I see a cute baby or toddler with someone now, I’m hesitant to inquire too much. I have little to no prejudice, but I don’t want to bring attention to the family in case others around us might be. And sometimes I have to admit, I am a little shocked by what I see.
When we lived in Charlotte, we saw a much broader span of variety in just about everything. Living in a rural town in Virginia, the span is pretty daggone narrow. We’ve lived here for 6 and a half years now. Not seeing the variety that I once did has left me a bit jaded. I dislike that aspect of our move to a small town.
Relationships are such a difficult thing to begin with that I can only imagine the challenges a family that doesn’t fit the traditional mold faces. It can’t be a lot of fun at times. But when they survive and prosper, it gives me hope in the human race. I do a little happy dance inside when I see them “making it” in this world.
But when I think of family, I don’t think about what it looks like on the outside. My first thought is of the connections between its members. In my own small little family, I’ve tried to weave a thread of unbreakable fiber. I’m constantly stressing to my girls that they are all they have when Tony and I are gone. So far, they have listened. It does my heart so much good to see the bond they share.
It’s a lot like my oldest sister and my relationship. She and I have the exact same age difference that Jennifer and Cassidi do. We have 3 siblings in between, but the mother/sister thing is ever present. I never have to guess if Debbie will have my back. I KNOW she does, even if I’m being a spoiled rotten brat! For one, she knows she helped make me that way. But that unbreakable fiber is woven between us, too. I love knowing that my daughters will share the bond my sister and I do for their entire life. It gives me confidence knowing they’ll be ok when I’m gone.
All I can hope is that I’ve raised them in a loving way, and they’ll take that with them in their own journey of family. Who knows what non-traditional form their families will take. I could care less. I just want it to be a family that respects all its members and love becomes their unbreakable fiber, too.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Memories
I have memories that date back to being about 3 or 4 years old. Sometimes I don’t know if they are truly my memories or stories my family have told me so many times that I feel like I remember them. Nonetheless, I’ve always cherished memories and the stories told to pass them down.
Today would have been my high school best friend’s 44th birthday. Kelly Combs Necessary was quite a character. I wrote a tribute to her in a previous blog (Goodbye is the hardest thing to say, and harder yet to feel) back in February 2010 after we lost her. We created a lot of good memories back in the day! I miss her and often wonder what adventures she’d be getting into if she were still with us.
Another way I capture memories is with a camera. To try and enjoy Cassidi’s senior year to the fullest, I started a daily journal for her. I take her picture each day before school and then write a little blurb about what went on for the day. In 10 years she’s going to look back on it and love having those memories captured forever!
Memories are an amazing thing. The can be triggered by the simplest of things. Sometimes I can smell something and it takes me back to a specific moment in time as if I were right there. Or I can hear a song and be 16 again. It’s wonderful how it works!
Another interesting thing about memories is that we each have our own perception of them. Two people can have an interaction and walk away with two totally different memories. So much of our mind is controlled by our emotions and the circumstances we are in at that time of our life.
Cassidi just asked me last night why I ask so many questions. I think that’s the answer. I try to understand what’s going through people’s heads to know how it’s going to affect their memories of events, especially Cassidi! I know she wishes I’d just go away and leave her alone. But when I really want her to remember something, I dig and dig hoping it will help settle the thought for the long term.
I’m finding that the older I get, the worse my memory is becoming. I really wish some brainiac would invent the notepad feature that I have on my iPad to reside in my head. That way, when I think of something, it’s written down. And then when I need to remember, I just have to click on the note. How cool would that be?! And I have an even better feature I’d like to request. When I think of something that needs to be done, I can just think about doing it, and voila, it’s done! Now that would REALLY rock!
But back to the point - memories. Whether they are your own or someone else’s, they are cherished experiences of your life that no one can ever take away. They live in your heart and soul and are readily available. They are how we keep our loved ones close to us even when they are no longer with us physically. I hope you’ll go out and make a wonderful memory today that you will carry in your heart for years to come.
Today would have been my high school best friend’s 44th birthday. Kelly Combs Necessary was quite a character. I wrote a tribute to her in a previous blog (Goodbye is the hardest thing to say, and harder yet to feel) back in February 2010 after we lost her. We created a lot of good memories back in the day! I miss her and often wonder what adventures she’d be getting into if she were still with us.
Another way I capture memories is with a camera. To try and enjoy Cassidi’s senior year to the fullest, I started a daily journal for her. I take her picture each day before school and then write a little blurb about what went on for the day. In 10 years she’s going to look back on it and love having those memories captured forever!
Memories are an amazing thing. The can be triggered by the simplest of things. Sometimes I can smell something and it takes me back to a specific moment in time as if I were right there. Or I can hear a song and be 16 again. It’s wonderful how it works!
Another interesting thing about memories is that we each have our own perception of them. Two people can have an interaction and walk away with two totally different memories. So much of our mind is controlled by our emotions and the circumstances we are in at that time of our life.
Cassidi just asked me last night why I ask so many questions. I think that’s the answer. I try to understand what’s going through people’s heads to know how it’s going to affect their memories of events, especially Cassidi! I know she wishes I’d just go away and leave her alone. But when I really want her to remember something, I dig and dig hoping it will help settle the thought for the long term.
I’m finding that the older I get, the worse my memory is becoming. I really wish some brainiac would invent the notepad feature that I have on my iPad to reside in my head. That way, when I think of something, it’s written down. And then when I need to remember, I just have to click on the note. How cool would that be?! And I have an even better feature I’d like to request. When I think of something that needs to be done, I can just think about doing it, and voila, it’s done! Now that would REALLY rock!
But back to the point - memories. Whether they are your own or someone else’s, they are cherished experiences of your life that no one can ever take away. They live in your heart and soul and are readily available. They are how we keep our loved ones close to us even when they are no longer with us physically. I hope you’ll go out and make a wonderful memory today that you will carry in your heart for years to come.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Sorrow
I've purposefully delayed writing the word for today. I kept hoping that I'd change my mind on the word that kept coming to mind. I had this continual debate in my head as to whether celebrating such a sad word was appropriate. I finally came to the conclusion that sadness is as much of a part of life as is happiness and deserves to be honored and celebrated equally.
The source of my sorrow today was the tragedy that occurred about a mile from my home. A boy of 12 accidentally shot and killed his dad while deer hunting yesterday evening. My heart just hurts for this young boy. When I told Tony about it, it was as if a light dimmed in him, too.
He's been a hunter since he was a small boy. He can remember numerous hunting adventures with his Dad. The last few years, he's gone up to deer hunt with his Dad in Burke's Garden. He said those are some of the most special memories he has and it's such a bonding experience. Since he doesn't have sons to share it with, he treasures it all the more. I could tell he was retracing their hunts and trying to understand just how heartbreaking this event truly is.
Sorrow is something that we all experience at one point or another in our life and unfortunately many times over usually. The loss of my mom has left a void in my heart that I know will never be filled. It is a deep space that was so debilitating at first, but has now become more tolerable. She died of a heart attack and while too soon, was of natural causes. I cannot imagine what this young boy will face for the rest of his life knowing the part he played.
Throughout the day, I've said numerous prayers for him and his family in coping with their loss. I've begged God to help this young boy in understanding that his dad would never want him to injure himself or limit his happiness in life for what occurred. I cannot even fathom the ache he feels. May God wrap him in his loving arms and guide him to the greatness he is capable of.
The source of my sorrow today was the tragedy that occurred about a mile from my home. A boy of 12 accidentally shot and killed his dad while deer hunting yesterday evening. My heart just hurts for this young boy. When I told Tony about it, it was as if a light dimmed in him, too.
He's been a hunter since he was a small boy. He can remember numerous hunting adventures with his Dad. The last few years, he's gone up to deer hunt with his Dad in Burke's Garden. He said those are some of the most special memories he has and it's such a bonding experience. Since he doesn't have sons to share it with, he treasures it all the more. I could tell he was retracing their hunts and trying to understand just how heartbreaking this event truly is.
Sorrow is something that we all experience at one point or another in our life and unfortunately many times over usually. The loss of my mom has left a void in my heart that I know will never be filled. It is a deep space that was so debilitating at first, but has now become more tolerable. She died of a heart attack and while too soon, was of natural causes. I cannot imagine what this young boy will face for the rest of his life knowing the part he played.
Throughout the day, I've said numerous prayers for him and his family in coping with their loss. I've begged God to help this young boy in understanding that his dad would never want him to injure himself or limit his happiness in life for what occurred. I cannot even fathom the ache he feels. May God wrap him in his loving arms and guide him to the greatness he is capable of.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Beginnings
As the year 2013 commences, I plan to embark on a celebration of words. One a day. Some days they will have special meaning related to the specific day, but others will be driven by my feelings or mood. I hope you'll join me in this celebration and evaluate how each word applies to you.
Our lives are full of words. We speak them, think them, type them, tweet them, text them. If I accomplish nothing else in this journey, I hope my appreciation of the hundreds of words I use on a daily basis is heightened. As I contemplate today's selection, the word beginning keeps coming to mind. It indicates a starting point, so what better word to chose on this new adventure on this first day of the year?!
I have mixed emotions about this word, but in general I feel it's a positive word. In its literal sense, the true beginning for each of us is birth. Anything after that is a "new beginning" which usually comes from change. I'm grateful to have the option of making changes in my life, but I feel society has somewhat tarnished the true meaning of beginning along the way.
For instance, at the New Year, many resolve to make a change of this or that, vowing a new beginning. But a large majority of those vows get broken, and at the start of the next year, renewed again. It reminds me of something I often tell my husband. He'll commit an infraction and immediately ask for forgiveness. It's usually some silly small thing and a deed he fully knows he will turn around and do again. I tell him he shouldn't ask for forgiveness, because it totally diminishes the act of forgiving. So, I avoid making annual resolutions for that very reason.
For the most part, I try to avoid labeling the changes I make in my life as new beginnings. I can remember as a kid when we moved I looked forward to a "fresh start" in a new town. The problem was that I was still the same person with the same points of view and behaving in the same ways in the new place as in the old. It's easy to slap a label on something but quite difficult to fulfill the true meaning.
As we begin this new year, I hope each of you will seriously contemplate the resolutions you are making. Establish goals that are achievable, but at the same time stretch you. But most importantly, think of the meaning of a new beginning in relation to your goals. Do your best to honor and value the beginning you choose!
Our lives are full of words. We speak them, think them, type them, tweet them, text them. If I accomplish nothing else in this journey, I hope my appreciation of the hundreds of words I use on a daily basis is heightened. As I contemplate today's selection, the word beginning keeps coming to mind. It indicates a starting point, so what better word to chose on this new adventure on this first day of the year?!
I have mixed emotions about this word, but in general I feel it's a positive word. In its literal sense, the true beginning for each of us is birth. Anything after that is a "new beginning" which usually comes from change. I'm grateful to have the option of making changes in my life, but I feel society has somewhat tarnished the true meaning of beginning along the way.
For instance, at the New Year, many resolve to make a change of this or that, vowing a new beginning. But a large majority of those vows get broken, and at the start of the next year, renewed again. It reminds me of something I often tell my husband. He'll commit an infraction and immediately ask for forgiveness. It's usually some silly small thing and a deed he fully knows he will turn around and do again. I tell him he shouldn't ask for forgiveness, because it totally diminishes the act of forgiving. So, I avoid making annual resolutions for that very reason.
For the most part, I try to avoid labeling the changes I make in my life as new beginnings. I can remember as a kid when we moved I looked forward to a "fresh start" in a new town. The problem was that I was still the same person with the same points of view and behaving in the same ways in the new place as in the old. It's easy to slap a label on something but quite difficult to fulfill the true meaning.
As we begin this new year, I hope each of you will seriously contemplate the resolutions you are making. Establish goals that are achievable, but at the same time stretch you. But most importantly, think of the meaning of a new beginning in relation to your goals. Do your best to honor and value the beginning you choose!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Where did it go?!
I found this in my draft. It's from way back in August of 2009. Better late than never, huh?! I guess the title is more than appropriate, huh?
Well, I was just looking at my posts and the dates of each. I haven't gotten much accomplished as far as my writing project for the summer. And summer is officially gone! Cassidi started school on Monday. Tomorrow will make a complete week of back to school. Amazing!!
I have no idea where the summer went. But it sure happened. I've started two stories, but haven't gotten back to either. Maybe one of these days I'll really get serious and dedicated to this effort. I have this terrible habit of wanting to tell one story, and getting sidetracked in others. My brain rambles on like this ALL the time it seems, not just in my writing. Jennifer sometimes refuses to have a conversation with me because I bounce around topics so much. But much to her dismay, I think she's gotten the bug a bit herself.
In the past few days I've had a feeling of great sadness. There are a lot of people sick or injured in my life and sometimes it just gets overwhelming to deal with emotionally. Just the other day Cass made the comment that life just didn't seam to make much sense. We go to school for a LONG time which is a fairly un-fun task, only to get a job that usually is an even more un-fun task. She struggled to see the point of it all. I tried to give her some pros related to it all. I don't know if I was very convincing.
But I do think in all of it, the real nugget to hold on to is the relationships. If we truly allow ourselves to feel and to give, we can build some quite fulfilling bonds. Of course, opening your heart creates vulnerability. But giving unconditionally makes the receiving that much more powerful. I have to keep reminding myself of that when I hit these lows. I also try to encourage Cass to compliment others more. It's a lesson I need to keep in the forefront of my mind as well. I don't know why we value the giving of compliments so much. It doesn't cost us a single penny. But we are so selfish with them.
I always turn the tables on her when we discuss this topic. I ask her to remember how special it makes her feel when someone compliments her. And what impact there was to the person giving the compliment. It usually makes her stop and think. I hope she takes those lessons with her in life and finally gets to the point where she can give unconditionally in the compliment department.
Just like the summer, this day is gone. I need to get some rest for a long day of work tomorrow. But for some reason, my mind is wandering and unsettled. Hopefully a good night's rest will cure that.
Well, I was just looking at my posts and the dates of each. I haven't gotten much accomplished as far as my writing project for the summer. And summer is officially gone! Cassidi started school on Monday. Tomorrow will make a complete week of back to school. Amazing!!
I have no idea where the summer went. But it sure happened. I've started two stories, but haven't gotten back to either. Maybe one of these days I'll really get serious and dedicated to this effort. I have this terrible habit of wanting to tell one story, and getting sidetracked in others. My brain rambles on like this ALL the time it seems, not just in my writing. Jennifer sometimes refuses to have a conversation with me because I bounce around topics so much. But much to her dismay, I think she's gotten the bug a bit herself.
In the past few days I've had a feeling of great sadness. There are a lot of people sick or injured in my life and sometimes it just gets overwhelming to deal with emotionally. Just the other day Cass made the comment that life just didn't seam to make much sense. We go to school for a LONG time which is a fairly un-fun task, only to get a job that usually is an even more un-fun task. She struggled to see the point of it all. I tried to give her some pros related to it all. I don't know if I was very convincing.
But I do think in all of it, the real nugget to hold on to is the relationships. If we truly allow ourselves to feel and to give, we can build some quite fulfilling bonds. Of course, opening your heart creates vulnerability. But giving unconditionally makes the receiving that much more powerful. I have to keep reminding myself of that when I hit these lows. I also try to encourage Cass to compliment others more. It's a lesson I need to keep in the forefront of my mind as well. I don't know why we value the giving of compliments so much. It doesn't cost us a single penny. But we are so selfish with them.
I always turn the tables on her when we discuss this topic. I ask her to remember how special it makes her feel when someone compliments her. And what impact there was to the person giving the compliment. It usually makes her stop and think. I hope she takes those lessons with her in life and finally gets to the point where she can give unconditionally in the compliment department.
Just like the summer, this day is gone. I need to get some rest for a long day of work tomorrow. But for some reason, my mind is wandering and unsettled. Hopefully a good night's rest will cure that.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Fired up!
You know how people that know a foreign language say they always “think” in their native tongue? Well, I kinda feel that way about my writing. I have a running commentary in my head of things I want to write about. Or feelings that I’m having expressed in sentences and paragraphs. And instead of sitting down to actually put pen to paper (or as is always the case for me, fingers to keyboard), I get lost in the moment and it never gets documented. What I need is a stenographer to follow me around all the time, and I could capture those fleeting thoughts.
But alas, no stenographer means no writing. Something I love to do so much seems to be such a difficulty to accomplish. I must make amends. I say these things and feel them passionately, and then again it gets lost in the shuffle. Kinda like me working out, flossing my teeth every day, and the list goes on and on. But this is truly something I need to address. I made the pact with myself to write at least one thing every month. I’ve managed to keep that promise (this month by the skin of my teeth!). One month I think I even got fired up and wrote three things. But whatever the case, a new goal needs to be established!
I think maybe it’s time to get serious about a book! I’ve hemmed and hawed for long enough. Of the three ideas I’ve had that I’ve actually gotten started on, I think I like the idea of the love story that develops around the Blue Ridge Parkway. I’ve read a couple books about the people that helped establish the area where I live right now. I’ve always loved history, and I think it would be neat to incorporate some of the history of this place into a fictional modern day book. We’ll see how much luck I have with that.
So, I’ve burnt through 6 months of this year with only a handful of writing efforts. I’m going to have to do some research to formulate a “book writing goal” that is achievable. But I AM going to start. I am going to put fingers to keyboard and create my to do list:
1) Write at least one chapter on the Blue Ridge Book in July
2) Exercise at least 30 minutes 4 times a week
3) Do at least 5 minutes of yoga every day
I’m going to keep this short as the clock is ticking on this day. Thanks to all of you reading and sending good vibes my way. I do feel them! And I send them back your way, too!
But alas, no stenographer means no writing. Something I love to do so much seems to be such a difficulty to accomplish. I must make amends. I say these things and feel them passionately, and then again it gets lost in the shuffle. Kinda like me working out, flossing my teeth every day, and the list goes on and on. But this is truly something I need to address. I made the pact with myself to write at least one thing every month. I’ve managed to keep that promise (this month by the skin of my teeth!). One month I think I even got fired up and wrote three things. But whatever the case, a new goal needs to be established!
I think maybe it’s time to get serious about a book! I’ve hemmed and hawed for long enough. Of the three ideas I’ve had that I’ve actually gotten started on, I think I like the idea of the love story that develops around the Blue Ridge Parkway. I’ve read a couple books about the people that helped establish the area where I live right now. I’ve always loved history, and I think it would be neat to incorporate some of the history of this place into a fictional modern day book. We’ll see how much luck I have with that.
So, I’ve burnt through 6 months of this year with only a handful of writing efforts. I’m going to have to do some research to formulate a “book writing goal” that is achievable. But I AM going to start. I am going to put fingers to keyboard and create my to do list:
1) Write at least one chapter on the Blue Ridge Book in July
2) Exercise at least 30 minutes 4 times a week
3) Do at least 5 minutes of yoga every day
I’m going to keep this short as the clock is ticking on this day. Thanks to all of you reading and sending good vibes my way. I do feel them! And I send them back your way, too!
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