What exactly is the point?!

The other day, I watched the movie Julie & Julia. At the beginning of the movie, I fell into her thinking of "will I ever accomplish the goals I've set for myself". As the movie progressed, I really liked the concept of what she was trying to achieve. But at the end, when she got the call saying Julia didn't approve of what she was doing, a little black cloud began to set over my head. I ended the movie on an upbeat note though, trying to block out the cloud.

Later, as usual, I had to do some google searching to satisfy my curiosity. What I found started to bother me. Julie never did get to me Julia. And it's reported that Julia truly did not like what Julie was trying to accomplish. She felt it was just a stunt because she was not a true cook interested in the art of cooking, but just a nobody trying to gain attention to get a book deal. It was hard to argue with Julia's reasoning, based on the little I knew about the endeavor from the movie. It caused me to dig deeper.

Turns out Julia wasn't the only Julie hater. She used a lot of profanity on her site and it offended many people. One site even claimed that once she became "famous" it opened the door to slamming her just because (gosh knows we've seen that happen countless times). I found some information on her new book where she became a butcher, and that's the basis of it. To me, it seemed like she was willing to don any hat to add to her celebrity.

Also in the new book, she details an affair she had after the first book's success. It seemed the more I researched her, the more I disliked her. I guess I fell into the same trap many people do - celebrity worship. From the movie, I only saw the innocence in her project and personality. Now that I've learned all this new information, it seems there was a WHOLE lot left out. This really got me riled as I felt misled.

And then I had to step back. Why was my negative, judgmental bone flaring up? Where was my Libra "see both sides of every story" self? I tried to refocus my perspective and find some good.

It also turns out her husband cheated on her somewhere after the first book. Who knows if his or hers was the retaliation. But nonetheless, she's admitted that the marriage was broken, and they had to decide if they wanted to really fix it or not. Fortunately, unlike many celebrities, they have decided to stay together. I found that very endearing. After thinking about it, I realized I had fallen into the mode of hero worship during the movie. I know better than to do that with all the celebrities that have fallen off their pedestals along the way (Tiger Woods, the most notorious of them all of late).

Once I realized she is just as human as me and puts her pants on the same way all the rest of us do, I calmed down. Why shouldn't she be exploring careers to fuel her writing? Don't most writers do research for their writing projects?! Her story is the same rags to riches story of so many. Sure, she sort of road on the coat tails of Julia (and yes, it would have been way more cool if she had had her blessings), but who knew she'd gain the fame she did?! Was she not pursuing the American Dream? Fame, fortune, and glory.

And that's when I realized what my real issue was. In pursuing my own writing project, I've tried desperately to squelch the egotistical maniac that brews within my true type A personality. Sure, I've tried everything under the sun to become more type B. I've been an "all about me", "look what I can do", "look Mom, no hands" kind of person my whole life. In my youth and early adulthood, I had no idea how much it offended people. I was just trying to please. But now that I know, I make every attempt to sidestep it.

Our world is filled with self serving, egotistical, "what's in it for me" people these days. You don't have to look far to discover the root of our country's problems today. Everyone is more concerned with how something is going to impact them and could care less how it impacts the whole. The American Dream caters to that mentality. We have My Space, Facebook, and Twitter that are all platforms for individuals to feed their egos. I mean, do we really need to know the minute my minute playby of ANY persons life?! It's classic self centeredness to the core.

So, where does that leave me in my pursuit to write a book? I've teetered on the fence many times about this. A book is MY thought, MY opinions, MY project. It's my desire to see what others think about MY skills. With this blog, I thrust myself out into cyberspace waiting to see the site visit count increase, for someone to post a comment, or to see the follower list grow. It makes me truly wonder if my heart is in the right place. I don't want to become another Julie Powell that defines her success by how many books she sells.

Again, do I continue this pursuit? Realizing there is all of that negative that can be had, I also understand there is also a positive. I know my heart, and I know it wants to give good. I know I don't have any malice or ill will associated with... well anything that I do. The majority of what I'm trying to accomplish is to share my feelings. I'm not a news commentator that is trying to sway the masses to one side of the coin or the other. I'm simply expressing my emotions in words. If by sharing how I feel, someone can find the ability to cope better with a situation they're dealing with, then I've succeeded.

I guess it's human nature to help others, and in some way, have the satisfaction of knowing that you've helped them. Maybe writing a book is not really the goal I should be pursuing, as it does seem to have the potential to soil my original intent. I guess I'll just have to continue down this path of this journey called life (no pun intended!) to see where it leads me. In the mean time, thank you to those of you reading.