Jumbled

My brain is darting in all sorts of directions today. I can't stay focused on much. I don't know if it's a symptom of old age, pre-menopause, or over usage. Sometimes I wonder if I even have a brain at all. I seem to forget more these days than I remember.

It could be the weather. It's the end of March and we're getting snow. What's up with that?! I don't like it and am ready for spring. I wish it would get here sooner rather than later. I could use some sun on my face for sure.

I needed to do a lot of things today, but didn't do them. I managed to make a few check marks, but nothing too terribly useful. I started the day with an email from a friend letting me know my account had been hacked. GREAT! And I think it has to do with my new computer. Something to figure out tomorrow.

Maybe I'll wake up on a different side of the bed tomorrow. Maybe not. But hopefully I'll wake up. That's what really matters, and I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Anniversary

28 years ago, we imparted upon this journey. At 17 and 18, the odds were stacked fairly firmly against us. Still in high school, pregnant, and having no idea where our future was headed, we walked down an aisle and into the unknown.

We were married on a Sunday, because I don't like odd numbered days. We spent our honeymoon in Bluefield WV at the Holiday Inn. We skipped school that Monday to say goodbye to our out of town family. We had to go to the principal's office Tuesday to get a lecture on how to behave in school even though we were married.

We were ridiculed by many of our peers, gosh only knows what our teachers thought, and our parents had to have shaken their heads and wondered. Tony was the oldest of three, and I was the youngest of five. To say I was immature and a spoiled rotten brat is an understatement. Really, we had no clue what we were about to embark upon.

But we made it through graduation, the summer, and heading off to college at Appalachian State. Jennifer came in November and we found our way together as parents. Tony finished college, I finished college, and we headed to life in the big city of Charlotte.

Nine years later Cassidi joined our brood. We got pets, a second house, and traveled far and wide in support of our girl's activities. Jennifer left for college, and I went back to school for a new career. It was time to trade in our treadmill running shoes and head back to the pastures.

We moved to our cabin in the woods and started drinking from the water fountain instead of the fire hydrant again. Well, Cass and I did anyway. Tony still has one foot in the corporate world and the other in the barn door. Hopefully I'll get him home full time, soon. 

Come fall, our nest will be empty for the first time ever. I keep telling him we'll soon figure out if we like each other. We are often asked what is our secret in staying married. We both shrug our shoulders and reply "I don't know."

We've been through our share of separations, near divorces, and near homicides. I'm a screamer and he's a smiler. But lately the tables have turned. They say the longer you stay together, the more like the other you become. I'd say I've mellowed a bit and he finally grew into his red head stereotype (even though he's bald now). Somewhere in there, we balance each other out.

I give him a hard time and constantly keep him on his toes, but I couldn't live without him. We've been together so long, I don't know where I stop and he begins. In many ways we think just alike, and in others, we're on different planets. But we never have to guess where the other stands. There is his corner, my corner, and the middle of the ring. Some of our bouts have resulted in hurt feelings and injured pride. But we always kiss and make up.

The first 28 years were spent on parenthood. The next 28, will be spent on us. Sure there will still be daughters to guide and hopefully grandchildren to spoil, but at the end of the day it will be the two of us. Look out Mr. McCann. I have a feeling this phase of the ride will be even bumpier than the beginning. Happy anniversary, baby. I love you

Meander

We spent the day with no agenda and no stop watch. It was great. We slept in late as if we were teenagers. We wandered the grounds here a bit and marveled at the beauty of this old building.

It's amazing what you can find when you're not looking for anything at all. We found an old school building that was saved from demolition by a woman that fell in love with it years ago. It's now an antique store. Another antique store was a gas station at one time. The building was too far gone to salvage, but they rebuilt in the spirit of the original.

We kept driving and found a dam and Lake Moomaw. All the facilities were closed, but we found a trail to an overlook. Beautiful views.

There are not a whole lot of man made attractions in this area. But those made by God are by far superior anyway. I'm glad we find enjoyment in meandering through God's creations.

The Homestead

Uh, talk about a fish out of water. This place is unbelievable. After the GPS fiasco, we thought I had really gotten us into a pickle. When we drove up to "the tower", I knew we were in trouble.

The GPS gave us a couple of options to get here. The one I chose was 20 minutes faster. I figured it knew what it was talking about. After it wound us through the back roads of this little mining town, I was second guessing it for sure. We laughed and Tony was quick to point out I was the navigator and it wasn't his fault. Little did we know what was ahead.

We kept following the route it directed. At one point a sign said there was no outlet to a street the GPS said to go on. I figured it was just a grid, so we took another road and got back on track. When we found the place the other road was supposed to join in, there was a guard rail. Not sure what year the map on my GPS is based on, but there's been a detour created since!

From there the road narrowed and the lines disappeared. To say we started to get a little nervous is an understatement. I saw a sign that said "GPS navigation not advised". I wasn't too sure what that meant. Then the houses started to disappear. Next we started up a mountain with some kiss your ass turns. If you don't know what that is, then you're not mountain folk. It's where the road basically turns back on itself as you snake your way up the side of a mountain - a switchback. We were in the backwoods of the Virginia - West Virginia border.

I started hearing dueling banjos and the sound of squealing pigs. About this time we saw something in the road up head. Turns out it was a relatively young guy hitchhiking. I turned to Tony with that "you've gotta be kidding me" look. We started laughing and I couldn't stop. It wasn't that late, but I was a little delirious. Maybe it was the altitude.

Needless to say, we didn't pick him up. But the poor guy didn't have on a coat and it was 29 degrees outside. I told Tony we could at least go back, roll down the window, and throw out the blanket I keep in the car. But we decided against that plan. We kept the car pointed up the winding road.

We drove and drove. The GPS went through this phase where it would say we should turn in 90, 80, 70... feet. Then at one point it completely went bezerk and told me we were an hour away after we were within 15 minutes. The laughing started again, but the fear was creeping in. I was grateful scaredy cat Cass wasn't with us. I could hear her grumpy voice fussing in the back seat the whole way.

Finally, we got to a junction in the road. It had a sign for the hotel, so we knew we were on the right trail - literally. The road never turned to dirt, but there was a time or two I was expecting it. If I only had bread crumbs, I would have thrown them out to leave evidence we were there. We were grateful to see lights and civilization again.

We followed the signs and again wound our way through a little town to find the hotel. What we found is amazing. This place is a HUGE resort in the middle of no where. I can't wait to see it during the day light. I highly doubt I'll be finding a store to get food for the room. So much for my rebellious acts of defiance. But we might have to stay in our room. We're slightly under dressed.

We walked in and everyone is in party attire. I'm in my yoga pants and work t-shirt. Tony is in his usual jeans and black t-shirt. I only brought jeans and cowboy boots. Oh, what have I gotten us into?! Hillbilly rednecks in lifestyles of the rich and famous. Always an adventure.

Trash

I'm a nature lover. Always have been, always will be. And nothing sickens me more than driving down a country road and seeing trash strewn alongside it. I just cannot fathom cruising down the road and pitching my trash out the window. Senseless!

The thing that makes me the most crazy is that it is usually the God fearing, country bumpkin, flag waving, patriotic American that rolls their window down.  If you're so USA loving, how can you tarnish it's natural beauty?! I'd love to stop them, pick up their trash, and throw it back into their window.

I've often wanted to buy signs to put up and remind folks the world is not their trash can. But I know with people's ignorance, that would just make things worse. I've also thought about creating a school program and traveling to elementary schools in the area to talk about littering and it's disrespectful and harmful consequences. But like most other displays of disrespect, they learn it at home and nothing they hear one time will change their ways.

I do my best to lead by example. When I see trash laying out in the open, I pick it up and put it in a trash can. Our land is bordered by a main road. Every couple of months we have to go out and clean up other people's trash. It truly saddens me that people are so callous.

There are a lot of things that irritate me about people's behavior. But littering is high on my list. One of these days it's bound to get me in trouble when I confront someone about it. It's only a matter of time. Gosh knows there are plenty of people out there trashing up the world for me to confront. Please don't let that someone be you.

Ready, set, WRITE!

Well, the setting has been created. Desk - check, chair - check, computer - partial check (needs Word loaded on it). I have nearly everything ready to start my writing adventure. Now to carve out the time to begin. I do have a few supplies to get also. Maybe there is a shopping spree in my future (as if all the things I've gotten thus far were free?!).

I'm getting excited to get this journey going. I have a lot of ideas. I need to get some research rolling. So much to do, now to find that dag blasted time. Think Tony will let me retire?!

Absurdity

My neighbor across the street died a year ago last October. That was his physical death. His spiritual death happened much earlier. His was the first prolonged death I had to witness. It left me incredibly aggravated and searching for a better way.

He was 82 with his health failing for the last couple of years. He was losing sensation in his feet causing him to fall. He was also losing his eyesight. He spoke numerous times of just ending the torture and letting go of this life.

He finally had one fall too many. He had to be taken to the hospital and was never able to go home again. He was put in an assisted living facility and had to starve himself for two months to get what was rightfully his - peaceful rest at "home".

I've been volunteering at Hospice pretty much since his death, and have seen his same story repeat over and over. Patients ready to cross over, families ready to let them, but a bureaucracy that refuses to let them until it's "God's time". 

I'd love to know exactly how God is involved. We have people hooked up to machines, to IVs of this, that, and the other, and in facilities who's hands are tied by the government. In our world of western medicine we don't deal with the root of a problem, but the symptoms. And we've gotten pretty damn good at it. We can give people quantity of life by keeping them artificially alive., but not quality. 

Our country is facing a huge dilemma. The baby boomer generation wants to live forever. And they want to do it in a healthy manner. And when they are no longer healthy, they just want to go. They have dictated all sorts of changes in what is accepted to maintain their health. I have a feeling they will dictate those same changes in the crazy policies that stand in the way of allowing them to end their lives with dignity for themselves and their loved ones. I hope they hurry.

People should be able to say when enough is enough. And they should be able to do it peacefully. They should be allowed to tell all of their loved ones goodbye, close their eyes, and go home. They should be spared the agony of having to endure physical pain and the emotional pain of seeing their loved ones mourn their death. And their loved ones should not have to endure the emotional pain of helplessness in ending their pain.

The recent death of my mother-in-law further strengthened my argument for allowing merciful death. I watched grown men break down numerous times in the two and a half days it took her to let to. They were crying from the loss of her, but also from the pain she was enduring by letting go. It was a process that none of us should have had to endure.

Today I read the attached article. It sickens me that these people are being portrayed in the light that they are. For this gentleman to be labeled as a murderer and then to accuse him of suicide is pre ponderous. The journalist responsible for this depiction should be ashamed. It is clear what happened. A loving husband was fulfilling his dying wife's last request. And he did not want to continue without her. Who are we to negatively judge them.

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/03/19/17374616-man-kills-elderly-wife-in-murder-suicide-at-pennsylvania-hospice-da-says?lite

Until you are forced to endure this hell on a personal level, you won't understand my view point. Until it is someone you love dearly laying on death's door, you won't get it. But I urge each and everyone of you to contemplate it. Because very few of us these days die of natural causes quickly. And it could be you stuck in that bed one of these days with no options.