England countryside Day One - Notes to Self

1) Driving in the UK is unadvisable if you have no idea where you are going AND you want to stay married.

We spend at least 15 minutes in each place we go driving in circles trying to find the road we are supposed to be on. We don't have a GPS and are trying to navigate with the high level road maps they've given us. Tony is known in our family as "Tony, hang a U-ie McCann". We now need to update it to "Tony keep circling the roundabout McCann" and "Tony pull in, back up, and turn around McCann". All the while, I'm screaming "Stay on the left, watch the curb, you missed the turn, that's a red light, etc," It's like he's forgotten every driving rule he's ever learned in 30 years because he's driving on the left side of the road. Well, that is when he actually is after I've screamed "DRIVE ON THE LEFT" as cars are approaching. At breakfast I did contemplate asking for a barf bag for the road after the eventful trip from the airport to our hotel last night.

2) Practicing my British accent really does help reduce stress in the passenger seat.

The excitement began as soon as we left our hotel this morning. I, in my infinite wisdom, decided that I could do screen shots of more detailed maps to help to get from point A to B while at the hotel each night as I map out our route. That works GREAT... except when you veer off the roads on the map you've screen shot. We make big circles, we make small circles. And with every pass, knots intertwine the muscles in my upper back and neck. I have three maps I'm trying to consult while at the same time trying to match it to reality. And somehow Tony thinks I know the answer to "Where am I supposed to go Machelle?" when the place I told him to go took us in the wrong direction. UGH!!!

So, I finally came up with a solution. I said to heck with caring where we were and started providing running commentary in my best British accent. Since arriving, I've been listening closely. We get audio guides at the places we visit, I hear it on the radio, and of course all the folks around us are talking. I've caught myself thinking in British. I figured this would be a good time to practice. I'm actually quite good according to Tony. Having to think of the pronunciations and listening to Tony laugh at me for being a goofball detangled all the knots. Always making lemonade out of lemons, that's me!

3) When driving in a foreign country, it would be best to understand how they do it.

The obvious difference of driving on the opposite side is actually the simplest. One of the most difficult navigational issues is that they don't use simple words like North, South, East, and West on road signs. They give you the names of the places that the road leads to. So, instead of having M3 South on the road sign, they have M3 Farnborough. It forces you to know which cities are in which direction on that particular road. It requires a split second decision that based on the aforementioned navigational and driving issues we have leads to the circular driving pattern we keep displaying.

On a highway, positionally you're supposed to drive on the far left lane and fast cars drive on the right. It makes perfect sense once you rewire your brain. But when you first get in a car here, you just focus on staying on the left side for obvious reasons. But reversing everything else that goes on takes a little bit of time to get used to. Today we were supposed to turn left and Tony turned on the right turn signal. Poor guy is so focused on trying to keep me from screaming and us from wrecking that he's all discombobulated. I told him this whole thing should be easy for him since he's left handed. He just had that deer in the head lights look.

The other fun part is roundabouts. One, they pop up out of no where when you're barreling down a road. You're nearly forced to come to a complete stop to avoid any cars already circling. And once the coast is clear, it's pedal to the metal and ride that thing like its on rails! Two, it's hell figuring out what lane you're supposed to stay in based on where you want to exit and taking into consideration the cars around you. And finally, they are kinda nice when you screw up because you can just keep circling (on two wheels).

All joking aside, we are having a great time. Yes, there's been a lot of screaming and laughing and horn blaring (they don't much like us foreign, stupid drivers). But today we got to see Stonehenge, a castle ruin from the late 1300s (Hungerford Castle), and drove through Bath. We are staying in a beautiful country cottage (www.guyershouse.com) that we just happened upon, well, if you don't count the circling through the little town before it. It has a beautiful garden area that the birds are chirping as if it's spring.

Tomorrow is yet another day of adventure. There will be some screaming, but hopefully it will be outweighed by laughter. I could always switch to an Asian accent when all else fails.