Countdown

April 18th came and went. It's not that the date is special in any way. It just marks one month until graduation. It definitely made me catch my breath when I said it out loud.

From here everything is a count down. Yesterday, I sat down and put all the activities of this last month on my calendar. It seems every day is filled with some kind activity. My energizer bunny is waning, and I keep trying to recharge.

The busy-ness is helping to keep my emotions in check, but it makes me worry that I'm not truly enjoying the experience. My to do list is decreasing, but when I try to think what I've been doing, it's hard to remember. Treadmills have a way of doing that to you.

But then I think of all this last year has held. College visits last summer, nerd camp, basketball, the chase to valedictorian, college acceptances, tennis, prom, and finally graduation. That's a lot of FUN! Trials and tribulations for sure, but so many great memories made. We've had 13 years of this for her. This last month will be a review of all of that.

I'm about to start putting the school years in review scrap book together. Digging through all of her pictures, report cards, awards, and school work papers is overwhelming. It makes me realize that while we're in the countdown of one phase of her life, it's only the beginning of the next chapter. I guess the gut wrenching piece is that we'll be more in the balcony watching her on stage as opposed to front and center.

I keep reminding myself that she's doing exactly what I've raised her to do. To be strong and independent. And that's a good thing - a great thing actually. Okay, enough nostalgia for one night. Back to keeping my eye on the ball and staying focused!

Spring cleaning

Whoever came up with this horrific task should be shot. It was probably Eve! She saddled us with so much other crap as women. My body feels like it's been mangled in a food processor. I'm getting far too old for this stuff. I'm all for resurrecting Eve and making her do it! In the meantime, thank goodness someone invented hot tubs, ibuprofen, and beds. I'll be making good use of them all!!

Friday

Thank goodness it's Friday!

Discombobulated

When I got in from work today, I decided it would be a good idea to lay down for a quick nap. WRONG! I woke with a start not knowing where I was, what day it was, or where I was supposed to be. I severely dislike it when I do that.

It didn't help that I was dreaming about a hot tub at work overflowing and people stopping in to ask directions to their aunt's house on the parkway, but having no idea where she lived. Where these dreams come from, I'll never know. I could keep a dream analyst busy for a lifetime.

When I was a kid, I'd come home from school, take a nap, and have the same reaction. Sometimes Cass does it, too. This whole getting up early thing is for the birds. I know I was an owl in a previous life. Gosh only knows when I'll be able to get back to sleep tonight.

Rafa is playing in Monte Carlo this week. They are 6 hours ahead of us. I've been getting up early to watch him.  I have another early morning planned tomorrow. I must get back to sleep!

It'll be another upside down day tomorrow. Thank God it's Friday!!

Sleep

I'm in need of some good old fashioned rest. No computers, phones, work, TV, nothing! I keep thinking I'm going to find a lull in this fast paced year. I haven't found it yet. Right now my goal is to keep the ship steady until August 25th when I drop her off. That seems a long time to wait, but I know it will be here in a flash. Meanwhile, I'm off to study the backs of my eye lids.

Crazy

It seems the more I get done, the more that needs to be done. I don't feel like I got anything accomplished in the last two days. Then Cassidi came home with her cap and gown picture. SHEW! I haven't cried yet, because I've just kept so busy. Maybe if I keep this hamster wheel feeling going, I'll make it through without a GIANT sized meltdown. Wishful thinking, right?!

Prom is in a week and three days. Most everything is done. Well, the things needing to be done are on the list ready to prod me into action when the time gets here. It's pitiful the lack of memory I have these days.

Graduation is ticking. I keep making baby steps in that direction. A lot of it is that I try to dig through the memories slowly so I don't overload my emotions. Like I said, so far, so good. Maybe I'm a little smarter than I give myself credit for.

Tennis is probably another thing occupying a lot of my mind. They keep shuffling the schedule and messing up my working days. When it's all said and done, I probably won't have any clients left for all the moving of appointments that I've been doing. Hopefully they will understand my crazy life between now and the end of August. Maybe one of these days my life will be my own again.

Numb

With the events of today, my heart is just numb. Our country is nothing but a war zone it seems. Over and over when I turn on the TV or look at the news online, there is some tragic event to shock and awe. I can't wrap my head around it, let alone my heart.

The news coverage is reminiscent of the TV shows and movies we watch. When it's entertainment, we don't even seem to flinch. When we have to accept an innocent 8 year old boy was killed from this bomb, along with two others so far, we can't continue to turn a blind eye.

There is an irony that keeps running through my head that the news hasn't mentioned. Boston is the  place where the American Revolution began. Based on who did this cowardly act and what their intentions were, that could bear some significance. But who knows. Trying to make sense out of any of this chaos is fruitless.

Having visited Boston almost two years ago and loving every minute of it, I'm saddened by the events of today. Having been there makes it more personal for me. I have said and will continue to say even more prayers as the days go by. Not just for those impacted by this horrible tragedy, but for our country. God is trying to get our attention. We need to wake up before it's too late.