Blah

I'm coming up with nothing tonight. I've had a pretty good day as far as doing much of nothing. But I'm just dry in the creativity department. Maybe tomorrow I can generate some energy.

Belated

They often say it's the thought that counts. This past Valentine's Day, we spent the day grieving. It was the day after we received the news that Tony's Mom would soon reach the end of her journey here with us on Earth.

It was not a day of celebration at all. Tony and I did not even exchange the pleasantry of wishing each other a Happy Valentine's Day. After spending more than 28 with each other, it was not a big deal at all. It was the furthest thing from our mind.

As we try to return to the new normal without her here with us, we realized the day went by unnoticed. There were a few of those days rolled in there. We decided to take this past weekend to try and reverse the time warp we've been in.

We're old enough to realize we can never regain time that has escaped us. But we have also been around long enough to know that it's not about the amount of time we have, but what we do with the time we're given. We tried to make the most of the time we had with Eleanor. And we know she'd want us to get back to living.

So, happy belated Valentine's Day, Tony. Here's to many, many more.

Antiques

Loving history the way I do, loving antiques falls right in line with that. Today we spent the day trying to find a desk for my writing projects. We didn't find one, but we found a lot of other neat stuff.

When you walk into a store, you can tell a lot about the owner. Some places are neat and orderly. Other places are wall to wall junk. And if one person's junk is another's treasure, it's up to you to find it! The ultimate treasure hunt.

Today when I was browsing, I saw things that reminded me of various people in my life. Seeing items that my Mom had in our house as a kid took me back a lot of years. I smiled a lot today remembering.

Things are just that, things. One person places a great value on something another person wouldn't pay a dime for. But I know that the memories I have are the greatest antiques of all. No one will ever be able to take those away from me and u wouldn't sell them for a million dollars!

Quaint

I grew up in small towns. When it came time finish college and pick a place to live, I was determined to move to a city. Charlotte fit the bill. I believed I wouldn't be able to achieve success until I lived in a city. It's amazing how the mind works sometimes.

We lived in Charlotte for 16 years. It only took about 14 for me to figure out the error in my thinking. But I had to get an education for a new career to escape. At that point, I was determined not to finish raising Cassidi in the city.

Thanks to divine intervention, we found our little cabin on the hill. God had his plans in place long before I did. I'm just glad I paid attention and listened.

Tony and I have visited a couple of small towns in Virginia in the last few months. They are incredibly quaint and steeped in history. Both have been in the Shenandoah Valley. Jennifer is in Richmond. Cassidi is soon to be in Fairfax. I have a feeling God is at work again, and believe me, I'm paying attention.

Fumes

I seem to operate on fumes these days. My tank stays empty more often than not. I have to figure out what that is all about. I know I need to get to the gym and get my metabolism working again. If I only could just find the energy to make that happen. On the days I work, my words suffer. Sorry folks. I'm so not interesting tonight.

Competitive

There once was a time where I would have been proud to have someone use that word to describe me. Now it always makes me catch my breath a bit. In the past, I wasn't as good of a sportsman as I should have been. Heck, who am I kidding?! It is still a battle I fight regularly.

I've had perfect child syndrome basically since birth. I've always wanted to do the best that I could. Gosh knows I stumbled more times than I can count. But I'd keep trying until I got better.

I've never liked disappointing people. I've always wanted them to think I was the best at whatever I was doing. On the sports field, I might not have been the best player, but I definitely hustled. And then there was that competitive thing. I hated to lose and if it meant leaving skin on the court to win, I was more than willing - both mine and whomever I was playing.

When I first started my career, I was just as competitive. Actually, I was a lunatic in college when I insisted on making good grades. The best - I was obsessed with it. Even when I went to massage school, I had to make the best grades and do the best massages. I started in that direction with yoga, and the teacher did a great job of diffusing me. I have no idea how he did it, but I'm glad he did. I enjoyed yoga training so much more because of it.

It was a good lesson for me. It made me stop and realize how maniacal I was being. And to think I was pursuing a career in something as serene as massage and yoga. I had to stop, get my head on straight, and regroup.

Like I said, I'm not always successful at controlling my crazy. There have been more than a few basketball games where I was that parent you wanted to punch. And my Words with Friends players could tell you about a few temper tantrums I've thrown when they beat me. I guess that's why I'm still a work in progress.

Cassidi

This is somewhat of a belated post. Her 18th birthday was on the 21st. But with the loss of Tony's Mom, we weren't much in celebration mode. Tony's Mom died on the 16th and my Mom's seventh anniversary of death was on the 19th. She now has lost both of her Grandmothers within a week of her birthday. We are choosing to look on the bright side  and think of it as them celebrating her birthday with her forever now.

On her actual birthday, she had the final game of her basketball career. This year has been a rough one on that front. Her heart just wasn't in it. But she still played and had a few good games. I hope she'll be able to look back with fond memories. I know from experience she'll wish for just one last game, if she could only go back, about 10 years from now. You know what they say about hindsight.

We have done our best to make this senior year memorable. She's decided to play tennis this Spring. I think it's more about avoiding the realities of growing up, but I'm all for it. I love tennis! Her coach thinks she has a lot of potential for someone just starting. To look at Cassidi, you know she's an athlete. She just has the frame for it. We'll see how the season progresses. It's all about fun, which makes it considerably different than basketball. That's the joy of a new sport.

Today we got her grades from the first grading period of this semester. She made all As. I'm so grateful that she kept her foot on the throttle and didn't slack after finding out she is valedictorian. I think all these years of me emphasizing the importance of her grades, she's caught the bug of doing her best no matter what the circumstance. Being number one in her class is one distinction. Being a go getter is yet another. The latter will take her far in life when the accolades of class rank have faded.

While I sing her praises, let me be the first to say she is also human. She has her flaws like all the rest of us. I don't like to harp on them, but I do remind her of them frequently enough to keep her humble. I feel like doing both are my job. I remember my Mom being my biggest cheerleader. Surely she can never second guess who hers is after I turned myself blue and sported a faux hawk to the state semi final game last year. But I also hope she remembers I have her number and when it needs calling, I'll gladly dial it!

In looking back on the 18 years, we've run the gamut of emotions and experiences together. She is definitely a mini me in nearly every way. I hope I've guided her away from some of the pitfalls I fell into on my own journey. But some of those pitfalls were valuable lessons that the stubborn person I am had to learn the hard way. I have a feeling no matter how hard I try to steer her clear of some of them, she'll be following my bumpy path in certain places. But I'll be here to hug her, love her, and set her back on her path to success.

Happy belated birthday word, Cassidi. I love you like crazy and cannot wait to see the paths your journey will take you down. I know you'll make them humorous if nothing else.