Sunday, June 30, 2013

Remiss

I've been terribly remiss with my word project. I'm not sure what my problem is. I think of a lot of the wonderful blessings in my life. And then I think of the many insanities in life. I need to get my head on straight and get back at it. Maybe the beginning of a new week will help me find the balance again.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Football

I could put how much I know about footbal in a thimble. I've never really watched much of it since I had two girls. They did play powder puff, but it was one night only. I never really knew much about what they were doing or what position they were playing. I understand scoring and that's about it.

Tonight we got to spend the evening with some of our high school friends. They have a son that plays. There were four teams that played 7 on 7 half field sets. It was pretty much just practicing plays for the two teams. Each team ran offense for a period of time and then switched.

I saw running and passing. I have no idea what play they ran or what defense they were in. I got to hear some angry coach feedback. And I saw some high fives and chest bumps. They didn't keep score so there was no winner. But they looked like they were having fun.

It was great to get to sit on the sidelines and talk with our friends, Chris and Tina Blankenship. He is Tony's best friend from when they were kids and was actually in our wedding. They were high school sweethearts like Tony and me. Chris went to App State with us.

We've seen each other here and there through the years. Since he lost his Dad, we've tried to spend more time together. It's amazing how losing a loved one makes you want to revert to days of old. Tony and Chris have been good for each other in the loss of their Mom and Dad respectfully.

So, while football isn't really my thing, I'm grateful for the opportunity it provided for reminiscing and rekindling friendships.

Deja Vu

A year ago, Rafa lost in round two of Wimbledon. This year it was round one. It's amazing how sad I can feel for someone that I only know through a tv screen. I love watching tennis. But the truth is I love watching Rafa play.

While he was gone last year, I didn't turn tennis on. The ache of not seeing him on court was miserable. I have this sinking feeling that he's going to be out again for an extended period. His body is just not what it used to be.

I know I need to find a new wagon to hitch my tennis horse to. But for the life of me I just can't latch on to any of these new players. They are all like so many of the athletes these days. Beating their chests and touting their greatness. The chilvary that tennis has always been about has fallen by the wayside.

I hope Rafa gets better soon. And I'm even open to letting him retire and enjoy the rest of his life without tennis. He's served the sport well.  I cried the day Martina Navratilova left. I know I will, too, when Rafa goes. Maybe there is yet another great waiting to show themselves. And when they do, I'll be sure to be watching.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Pack Rats

Seven. That's the number of years that we've been living in Fancy Gap now. That's an amazing number when it sure doesn't feel like it's been that long.

Today Cass and I spent some quality time in the garage sifting through years of junk. When we moved up here, we boxed up a lot of things we thought we would want to keep. We did also leave a LARGE bunch of junk in the garage in Charlotte. Things we didn't mean to leave, like our softball gloves and equipment, got inadvertently left behind. But for the most part, the things we wanted to keep made their way here.

We have boxes and boxes of stuff to prove it. For the most part, it has all stayed in the garage untouched. We have dug through some of them a time or two looking for something we wanted. But if the truth be told, the large majority of it could have gone to a trash bin, and we wouldn't have known the difference.

The sadder truth is that over the years, we have added just as much junk to the pile as what we brought up here. Today, that is the majority of what Cass and I sorted through. She's as sentimental as I am, so the pile of "keep it for all time" is much larger than the "throw it away" or "yard sale" piles.

The other problem is that when we moved up here, Cass wasn't at the Charlotte house with us. Some of her most treasured possessions didn't make it here according to her. She is going to need therapy one day because her beloved stuffed animals were sent to Goodwill instead of being put in a garbage bag and stored in the garage for the past seven years! So, not wanting to extend her therapy sessions, I agree to keep some things that are ridiculous.

I also contribute to the problem because I'm thinking of my future grand children's visits. I want a treasure chest of their Mom's old clothes and toys for them to pilfer through when they come to visit me. Oh, and don't forget the old books and games. Of course they are going to want to see what their Mom's read know the games they played.

Who am I kidding?! Kids today have no idea what playing means unless they have a gadget in their hands. I can only imagine the look they'll give me when I try to play linkin logs or Monolpoy with them. And Cass keeps reminding me she's not even having any kids. But then she thinks on it and realizes that she'll get to keep something else she likes if she uses the grandchild card.

So, I don't think we made a whole lot of progress today other than creating a GIANT sized mess with everything we pulled out. But it was nice walking down memory lane yet again. Maybe one of these days we will get the garage organized and situated to finish the apartment upstairs. But hey, where's the fun in that?!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Slow Down

I'm ready for a slow down. We are already at the end of June. The year has flown by. The calendar has been marked by numerous momentous events that have served to speed up the turning of the pages.

It seems like we've been on a crazy 3 week cycle since the end of April. Every 3 weeks, there has been an event. It seems like we're on course for that until we take Cass to college in August. Actually, there is a family day already scheduled about 3 weeks after school starts. So, make that September.

I've been thinking August is my magic date. I think I need to reset it to October. I have to do my continuing education hours for my massage rcertification this year, too. I'm going to have to cram that in before November somehow. I've looked for some options, but am not finding anything that has caught my attention just yet.

The possibility of Tony going to England for a work opportunity is growing closer to fruition. That will put more than a few wrinkles in things. But I've decided to not even think about it until it's truly the answer. I have more than enough to keep me busy until then.

Which takes me back to my original statement. I'm making today my slow down day. And maybe even tomorrow. The roller coaster of life has worn me out lately. I'm ready to take a bench seat and watch the passerbys. Thanks goodness for Sundays!!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Connections

In the line of work I do, I make connections with people on a regular basis. I'm not just talking physical connections, but spiritual. For me, these are the most meaningful, and important. When I was in massage training, they taught us about setting boundaries and honoring them. One of the key items was blocking energy and not taking on other people's junk.

I've been doing this for 8 years now. I have to admit I'm better at blocking some days than others. And better at blocking with some people more than others. I feel the pain that is in their body, and do my best to remove it. And unfortunately there are times when I think I try to carry it for them.

But in order to truly help people, I feel it's necessary to know my clients. I ask a lot of questions looking for clues that have led to their physical pain. And sometimes, the pain they are holding is emotional. I'm not a psychologist, so ethically I'm prohibited from going there. But sometimes I need to know that a certain event in their life is what is causing them to hold on to the tension in their body.

While I can't "fix" their emotional needs, sometimes it just takes someone listening to them to let it go. I've heard many a tale in my massage room. And what is said in the massage room, stays in the massage room. I've laughed, cried, and been silent with many clients. It is a special gift I feel God has given me to be there for people. I'm am so appreciative that he chose me for this profession. I am truly blessed!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Listening

Listening is one of those qualities that I wish I was much better at. Because my mind races at 100 mph, I'm not the best listener. That is why conversations with me are so painful for others. I do listen to what they're saying, but it reminds me of something else, and I jump to the next thing before they're ever done.

If it's any consolation to those I torture, I do the same thing to myself. I think of one thing, which leads to the next, that most times goes to a third thought causing me to forget the original thing. The older I've gotten, the worse it's become. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. I know it's called CRS, but geez!

This morning when I finished my yoga practice, I was pleasantly surprised when assessing how good I felt afterwards. All of my pain areas felt so much more open. Many times when I finish my practice, I still feel tight in certain places. This morning I just lost track of everything else and focused on listening to my body. If any part of my body spoke out as I was stretching or moving, I stopped and gave it my individed attention.

The next time I am in conversation I am going to remember this morning. If my body felt this good by being honored and respected because I listened, that has to be the same way an individual has to feel when they are heard. Even though I don't mean disrespect by topic jumping, I can understand how incomplete I leave people feeling.

There really are no coincidences in life. And life always provides an opportunity to learn. It all depends upon how receptive we are to listening to God's message for us. I'm so grateful he spoke to me this morning. Now let's see if I was truly listening!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Quilting

I finally jumped on the project of Cass' t-shirt quilt. I need to knock on wood here, but I've been pleasantly surprised by how things are falling together. I did run out of interfacing and had to run out to get more. But the pieces have all come together well.

I've only had to tear out three seams so far. For two of them, I think the white border I'm using was wrong side out. But it's hard to tell since there isn't any sheen to it. It's just white cotton. I could have left them probably, but then I know I'd always question it. And the other was a row that my machine for hung up for some reason. Not so bad for someone that only sews once in blue moon.

My Mom was a quilter. Of course I've been thinking of her a lot today. She always made a quilt for each grandchild when they graduated high school. Cass has a couple she had made her when she was a kid. That was the biggest reason I decided to do this quilt. If Mom can't be here, I felt the need to step into her shoes for this one.

I also did some reminiscing of the sports that these t-shirts represent. I have traveled all over the place  wearing some of them. I cheered, laughed, cried, and fussed all along the way. At the end of it all, I loved watching her and her teammates play. When it's done, it will encompass far more than the material it's made of.

I had to use some of my own shirts, because Cass refused to give up hers. I begged and begged, but she wasn't budging. I got about 5 or 6 from her. I kept telling her she'll have this quilt forever, whereas one of these days she won't fit into the shirts anymore. She wasn't hearing any of that.

Once I finish this project, I have to get focused on her two scrap books. These were the projects that I let slide when I ran out of time at the end of the school year. Now that we are home for the summer, I should be able to get them accomplished easily enough. I like being able to do them without a countdown looming.

Mom always liked sewing and quilting. She also crocheted. Maybe I'll add that to my list of things to tackle next. I know it's hard on your hands, and I've already abused mine enough with massage. We'll have to see how that one goes. I like doing things my Mom did. It gives me an opportunity to think of her and appreciate her efforts. Gosh knows I didn't show her that appreciation enough while she was here. Maybe doing these things is my way of honoring her and carrying on her memory.

This quilt might be blocks of fabric sewn together by thread, but I'm adding a lot of love and memories. I hope it is something she will cherish for the rest of her life. While her Mamaw couldn't sew it for her, mom's hands are guiding me. Maybe that's why it's going so smoothly. An angel's touch is miraculous.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Tranquility

I've learned to be a mind over matter girl. Well, sorta. My crummy temper gets the best of me first, but at least now I can recognize when I need a time out and gladly put myself in it. Maybe one of these days I'll progress to the point of diverting my top blowing off.

We found out today that Cass' car is totaled from the accident. The frame is bent and the suspension shot from the direct hit to the wheel. The sad piece is that Jennifer totaled her car her senior year, too. Both accidents were due to carelessness and easily avoidable. Frustrating!

But always the optimist, I look for the silver lining. Both could have been so much worse. There was no loss of life or limb. I keep thinking both were very good lessons for each child. While they think they are grown up and have all the answers, God is reminding them that life can change in an instant. I'm just glad he chose small lessons versus incredible tragedies to speak to them.

After the sheer fun and excitement of senior week, I decided it was time to refuel.  I had my massage today, went to Hospice to volunteer, and came home to attend a yoga class at a neighbors. They were just what the doctor ordered.

I live in Heaven. The singing of the birds and the smell of fresh air are constant reminders. Nature is my sanctuary, but my family is its parishioners. I love them when they succeed, and I love them even more when they fail. I rant and I rave, but at the end of the day I couldn't live without a single one of them. I might seek tranquility in solitude, but I would never be happy staying there. My girls and my husband are my life. Without them, I truly would be nothing!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Critters

Living in the wild has its pros and cons. I love our cabin in the woods. Having the beautiful green trees right outside my window and the two creeks that run on both sides of the house with their soothing sound is amazing. Sleeping with the windows open feeling the cool chill of night is Heaven. Being surrounded by nature is the dream I had from being a small girl.

The beauty of nature also takes the shape of wild animals. We get to see a lot of beautiful birds, squirrels, and butterflies. But every once in a while we get a start by some of the less friendly ones. We've had a bear in the back yard no further than 30 feet from the back door. Tony had grilled steak and he thought that was an invitation to dinner. He fortunately took off when he saw the two footed creatures that live here.

We've had a fox that just trotted into the side yard as if he owned the place. He was very scraggly looking. The neighbor says he saw a baby fox in his driveway the other day. Looks like we'll be seeing a few more before it's over.

We've had reports of mountain lions up on the ridge below the house. Of course everyone says there aren't any mountain lions in this part of the country. I don't think I want to test their theory by walking up on one.

We got a report this evening that there is another bear roaming the neighborhood. The neighbor saw it in his driveway. It was the same evening Tony heard something in the woods above the house and decided to go explore what it was. He didn't find anything fortunately. Wouldn't he have gotten quite the surprise to come toe to toe with a bear?!

I always have to remind myself that we are living in their home. I try to coexist as peacefully as possible. Hopefully we can share this space with no conflicts. I'll continue to admire their beauty even if I have to do it from behind a window.


Saturday, June 15, 2013

Demented

As I read the daily news clips, demented is a word that comes to mind all too often. The good news is that I have not grown so jaded that things don't still surprise me. Or maybe the better explanation is that it still sickens me.

Today I read a story about a 17 year old girl that created a website and Facebook page to raise money for a little boy's battle with cancer. That sounds great, huh. How nice of her to support the little boy by telling his story and raising awareness. The catch is that she stole the boy's image off a blog his Mom keeps online, and he's alive and well. She didn't even know him.

Of course she did it for the financial gain, as she was offering t-shirts and asking for donations for his medical costs. She claims she didn't recieve any money. She is apologizing profusely for her cowardly and callous acts. Meanwhile, other than being forced to delete the sites, she is facing no legal action. In order for her to face criminal charges, the Mom will have to sue her civilly.

These situations make me stop and ask so many questions. How could she be so insensitive to the countless people that have truly been sick with cancer and to their surviving loved ones? How did she stumble upon this child's picture and think it would be okay to use it? What gave her the idea to prey upon people's heart strings with such a deceitful plan?

I don't understand these people. I don't know how they can sleep at night knowing the things they are doing are so morally wrong. They are the ones that suck the life out of our society. We need to get back to public flogging for this stuff. Maybe then they'd realize the world does not revolve around them. And there is no better way to live than to earn your keep through a hard day's labor.

CRAZY!!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Hiatus

I'm going to take a brief hiatus on my words due to vacation. I guess that's as good of an excuse as any. If I get the urge, I might write something. But right now, recooperating is necessary.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Anticipation

That's a big word for the simple act of worrying. I've always pretty much been a worry wart. I over think things and play things out in my mind a bazillion times. Many times when an event actually gets here, it's almost like a déjà vu moment because I've thought about it so much. Or the other thing that I do is include it in my dreams. That always stinks because I sleep lousy those nights.

I have to remember that this word carries a positive energy, too. Looking forward to things is joyful. There is always an element of surprise in finding out if things go smoothly or rocky. And in trying to remain positive, I do my best to focus on the happy endings.

But the Mom in me tends to gravitate to the worst case scenarios in order to be prepared. Ellen Degeneres said her Mom always told her if you expect the worst, you'll most always be pleasantly surprised with the real outcome over the one you imagined. I don't always think like that, but I do always think of that concept when I'm about to embark on unknown territory.

As our beach trip nears, I'd be lying if I said my stomach wasn't churning a few times per minute. I've been hearing horror stories from other parents that were down there this week for senior week. I've resorted to praying and trying to live in denial. The good news is is that I'm packed. That's a good thing to focus!!

My mind is flashing back to our after prom night here. I didn't get a whole lot of sleep that night. And I spent more than a few cycles worrying. So of course I'm thinking I'm in for 7 days and nights of that same torture. I sure hope there is a pleasant surprise awaiting me at the end of that tunnel!!!

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

LOL

Hearing Tony laugh out loud is entertaining in and of itself. It almost reminds me of this cartoon cat's laugh from when I was a kid. I can't remember the cartoon, but every time I hear him, my mind goes there.

Tonight while watching tv, he kept telling me how funny this one commercial with Jeff Gordan was. I was always out of the room. But I finally was here one time. It is actually a video I saw quite a while back. Jeff pranked a car salesman and took him for a test drive. He scared the bejesus out of him.

I found the whole video and showed him. He laughed until he cried. He just now made the comment he laughed so hard he gave himself a headache. It's so good to hear his laughter, even if it does come from a dumb guy car commercial. It's music to my ears.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Quality Time

Today was Mom-Daughter day with Cass. After she kept me up until 2 last night, or more accurately this morning, I got a late start to the day. We lazed around until it was time to go to the oral surgeon appointment for her wisdom teeth. My brainiac is too smart and it's coming out in her teeth! They have to be removed at the end of July. I guess I'll get yet another opportunity to play nurse maid.

After the appointment, we did a little beach shopping and got pedicures. She only told me a couple of times I was getting on her nerves. It mostly had to do with changing the music station from the thumping rap crap she listens to sometimes. But for the most part, it was a pleasant enough day.

We ended the evening with yet another movie marathon. One of my favorite actors is Tom Hanks. I think I've passed my love of him onto her. She loves Forest Gump. Tonight was Castaway. It's just another reminder of how alike we are.

When I think of our similarities, it gives me comfort in knowing that even though she'll soon be off on her own adventures, she'll really never be far from me. It's the same with Jen. While the two of us have our differences, something will happen, and I'm reminded of our unending connection.

Quality time isn't just spent in the present, but also in our memories. I love days like this where I add to that memory bank. I plan to take out deposits for years to come.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Teenagers

Cassidi went to her Grandpa's for a few days. Then she stopped off at some friends from Tazewell and decided to spend the night. She got home late this evening, and I figured I wouldn't recognize her. She was actually more talkative than I've seen her in ages.

Tonight she wants to start a movie at 11:30. I told her we need to go to bed as she has a dental (wisdom teeth consultation) appointment tomorrow, and we want to get pedicures. She said we can go afterward and sleep until 11. She's going to be the death of me this summer I have a feeling.

We eat badly, stay up too late, and sleep in far too long. All of this is done in her dungeon basement bedroom. I try to hang, but I have a feeling I'll look a tad more haggard than her 18 year old self. I don't want to be a teenager again, just have the metabolism and energy they do. Maybe in my dreams.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Sunday

The day of rest. And I sure needed it today. I did my best to hold the couch down and even took a little nap. I don't mind giving myself permission to recooperate these days. We all need time to rejuvenate.

Next week is senior beach week. I was the crazy Mom that agreed to take six girls. I doubt I'll be getting much rest worrying about them. I may as well make this a week full of Sundays to prepare myself!!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Hiking

Today I was reminded yet again that "I ain't as young as I once was". We spent a lazy morning at home watching tennis. After that I got the bright idea to go for a hike. We drove over to Stone Mountain for our adventure. We didn't hit the trail head until 5:00 p.m. Tony was in charge of looking at the trail map to pick the route. He said we'd do the loop. I asked how long it was and he said it didn't say. That should have been clue number one!

I've been having some pain in my left, lower back. I do my best to ignore it, but the further we walked, the more that became impossible. Earlier on the trail, we heard a group of people say something about taking the more difficult route up the mountain. They were going in our direction. Clue number two!!

Fortunately, Tony hikes like a Grandma. He didn't mind stopping while I stretched and moaned and groaned as the trail steepened and countless sets of steps appeared. I kept searching for the top of the mountain, but it seemed it would never come. Finally, we got there and were rewarded with a beautiful view. Tony didn't want to leave, but I knew if we were going to get back before dark, we needed to get started.

Once we found the trail again, I immediately started wondering how much further. Climbing is hard on one set of muscles in my body, and the descent is hard on yet another. This getting old business is for the birds! I tried to stay positive and enjoy the views. But the end of the hike was always close by in the back of my mind.

We came to a fork in the trail, and I finally got the answer as to how long the loop was. I was too tired at that point to even read that part. I was just looking for the direction to follow. It wasn't until we went about a quarter of a mile further that Tony decided to tell me the loop was 4.3 miles. I about fell on the ground in a puddle! I knew we hadn't gone but about 2 miles at that point.

We had a discussion about perceptions and mind over matter. I said a few curse words, but finally set my mind to get to the car. Once I get focused, look out! I was on a mission.

Tony did manage to find a couple of diversions in the waterfall and the old home place that are along the trail. They were actually a nice break from thinking of my aching body and wishing for the end. We finally got to the crossroads on the trail where we heard the group make the comment about the harder route (2.5 hours later). I knew it was just a short distance to the car. Again, I nearly fell to the ground, but this time to kiss it!

Next time, I'll be sure to remember the lessons I learned today. NEVER let Tony pick the trail and LISTEN to the advice of the other hikers. Tomorrow the couch has my name all over it, and if I go getting any bright ideas, I'll be sure to hit the mute button!!